Chapter 10: The Seven Days of Sheva Berachos

220. It is a mitzvah to rejoice for seven days after the wedding — and these days are called “Shivas Ymai Hamishteh”. The chosson and kallah should wear Shabbos clothes and may not go to work1 during these days. These are days to give praise to Hashem for having given them the great merit of being married. Tachanun is not recited in Shul when a chosson is present.2

221. At Shacharis the day after the wedding, the chosson starts putting on a Tallis.3 On the first Friday night after the wedding, the kallah starts lighting two candles.

222. During the week of Sheva Berachos, the chosson and kallah should not walk in the street alone (even if together) but they should be accompanied by ashomer.4

223. There is no obligation to make a Sheva Berachos meal every day for seven days after the wedding5 — however, if during that time ten men (including the chosson) over the age of Bar Mitzvah sit down for a meal and there is a ponim chadashos — a “new face” present who wasn’t at the wedding, then the Sheva Berachos are recited.6 If no ponim chadashos is present, then one only recites the last of the Sheva Berachos, namely the blessing “Asher Boro” after the meal.7

224. The ponim chadashos needs to be someone who was not present at the wedding or any other festive meal with the chosson and kallah.8 On Shabbos and Yomtov a ponim chadashos is not required and Sheva Berachos may be recited even if no ponim chadashos is present.9

225. The seven days of celebration are calculated from the time they go under the chuppah, (and not from the time of the meal), so if for example the chuppah was on Monday before sunset, the last meal of Sheva Berachos would be on the next Sunday before sunset. (If they did not manage to bench before sunset the Sheva Berachos are not recited.)10

226. Thechosson and kallah must both eat bread and if they have not, then Sheva Berachos are not recited.11 Even if the chosson and kallah arrived in the middle of the meal, Sheva Berachos are recited.12

227. Men and women must sit separately at a Sheva Berachos. If the chosson andkallah are in separate rooms, the custom is that before the Sheva Berachos are recited the kallah comes to the room where the chosson is so that the Sheva Berachos are recited in her presence.13

228. Bread must be served however it is not necessary to serve meat, and a fish, vegetarian or milchig meal can be served.14

229. The chosson should try and say a Maamar and something in Nigleh at each of the Sheva Berachos.15

230. A minyan must be present to recite the Sheva Berachos and the chosson is included in the minyan.16 All the minyan should wash and eat bread in the first instance. However, bdieved as long as seven have washed and eaten bread, and the other three have eaten some fruit etc., then Sheva Berachos may be recited.17

231. At the end of the meal before benching two cups of wine are poured, the first for benching and the second for the Sheva Berachos.18

232. The one who leads the benching lifts the cup of wine and recites the zimun and says “Shehasimchah Bimono”19 (even if no ponim chadashos is present.)20

233. After the leader has finished benching over the first cup of wine, the second cup is passed around and different people are honored with the recitation of the Sheva Berachos. There is a question in the Poskim regarding one who ate nothing at the meal whether they may recite one of the Sheva Berachos. The custom is that if they had some cake or fruit then they may do so.21

234. After the last blessing, the leader then takes the first cup and recites the berachoh Borei Pri Hagofen and drinks some of the wine. Then some wine from the second cup over which the Sheva Berachos was recited is poured into the first cup and then back again until the wines in the two cups are mixed, and then one cup is given to the chosson to drink from, and the other to the kallah.22

235. The custom is that the last Sheva Berachos should be held in 770 and if one is in a different location in the world then in a Yeshivah of Tomchei Tmimim, Beis Lubavitch, Chabad House etc.23

236. The chosson should read from the sefer “Sippurim Noraim” during these days.24

237. Thechosson and kallah should learn Torah together, thus joining the “Kol Chosson and Kol Kallah” with “Kol Torah”.25

238. During the days of Sheva Berachos, the chosson and kallah should give extra Tzedakah.26

Honeymoon

239. The Rebbe was not in favor of going on a honeymoon.27

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Chapter 9: The Wedding Meal

Chapter 11: After the Wedding

Footnotes

See Shulchan Aruch Even HoEzer 64:1.

Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch 131:5,6. See there that as regards Tachanun, the seven days are reckoned as seven days of 24 hours from the time of the chuppah.

See Sefer HaMinhagim p. 3 for the order of putting on a Tallis. See also Toras Menachem Vol. 15 p. 109.

Sefer HaMinhagim p. 76. See also Mekadesh Yisroel p. 134. The reason is that they are compared to a king and queen and it is not befitting for royalty to walk unaccompanied.

See Reshimas Hayoman p. 240.

It should be noted that Sheva Berachos are recited at festive meals during these days if a previously unmarried man married a virgin, widow or divorcee, or if a previously unmarried woman was married to a bachelor or divorcee. See however Nitei Gavriel Nisuin Ch. 110, if a widow marries a widower or two divorcees etc.

If no minyan is present (but there is a mezuman — 3 men over the age of Bar Mitzvah) some Poskim say that one should still say the berachoh “Asher Boro” — Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:114,115 (see ibid., 118 if a guest is necessary).

Shulchan Aruch Even HoEzer 62:7.

As regards to one who was present at the chuppah but not at the wedding meal see Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:52 who quotes various opinions but concludes that the custom is that he is considered a ponim chadoshos. One who was present at the wedding meal but missed the Sheva Berachos at the end is not considered a ponim chadoshos at another meal — ibid., 14:54. One who was present at the wedding meal but did not eat is not considered a ponim chadoshos at another meal — ibid 14:57.

A woman may not be considered a ponim chadoshos. The ponim chadoshos should be present at the Sheva Berachos — ibid.,14:67. If no ponim chadoshos is present (or they were present but had to leave before benching) then although one does say “Shehasimcha Bimono”, however only the berachoh “Asher Boro” is said over a cup of wine — Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:49.

This applies to the Friday night and the Shabbos day meals. However Seudah Shlishis is not considered a ponim chadoshos unless the chosson says Torah — see Shulchan Aruch Even HoEzer 62:8, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch and Misgeres 149:5.

As regards Chol Hamoed and Purim see Nisuin Kehilchosom Ch. 14:76,77, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 90:5.

10.

Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:4,7,9. If the chuppah was held Bein Hashmoshos we start counting from the previous day — ibid 10. The seven days are not 7 days of 24 hours. So if for example the chuppah was at midday Wednesday, the last Sheva Berachos would be before sunset on the next Tuesday — ibid., 11.

11.

Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:86.

12.

Ibid., 14:85.

13.

Ibid., 14:87.

14.

Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:22.

15.

Rabbi Shmuel Levitin relates that in 5714 the Rebbe asked him to instruct chassanim that during the Sheva Berachos, in addition to saying a Maamar at each meal, the chosson should also say something in Nigleh — and if not at each meal then at least more than once.

16.

If there is no minyan (or no ponim chadoshos) then one does not recite the Sheva Berachos. However, as long as there are three people benching with a mezuman one says “Shehasimcha Bimono”.

17.

Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:41. There is a question as to whether a person who has not participated in the meal may recite one of the Sheva Berachos. Some say that only one who has eaten bread may say one of the berachos and some say that even if he ate nothing he may still say one of the berachos — ibid., 14:95.

18.

If there is no wine then one may use the national beverage instead, e.g. beer. If there is only enough wine for one cup then one uses the same cup for benching and Sheva Berachos — ibid., 14:98,99.

19.

This is said even in a zimun of three people during the days of sheva berachos — Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:130.

20.

Ibid., 14:132.

21.

See Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:95.

22.

Regarding a Sheva Berachos on Shabbos that finishes after nightfall, some have the custom of leaving the two cups full until after Maariv, and then making Havdalah on the cup over which Benching has been said and then mixing the two and then giving the chosson and kallah to drink. Others say that one may drink from the wine before Havdalah — Hanissuin Kehilchosom 14:109. Shevach Nissuin (Hurvitz) p. 54 quotes a letter of the Rebbe to the author of Rivvos Ephraim that we do not drink the wine before Havdalah. The correct procedure is that after Maariv, the chosson should make Havdalah over the cup that was used for benching and then drink some of the wine. Then some wine from the second cup used for Sheva Berachos should be given to the kallah. Then some wine from this second cup should be added to the cup used for Havdallah and the chosson should drink some — see Shevach Nissuin p. 54 fn.11. See also at length the sefer Tenaim Vort Erusin Nissuin by Rabbi S. D. Levin (Kehot) p. 109.

23.

Simchas Olom p. 88. See however Kuntres Hachonos Lechassunah (of family Kratz Afula Shvat 5766) that not necessarily the very last Sheva Berachos should be held in these locations but rather one of the Sheva Berachos should be held there. See also Toras Menachem Vol. 21 p. 91 that the last Sheva Berachos should be with the full simchah.

24.

Yemei Melech p. 118.

25.

Yechidus to Chassanim and Kallos 20th Kislev 5752, Hisvaaduyos 5752 Vol. 1 p. 398.

26.

Yechidus 20th Kislev 5749.

27.

See Toras Menachem Vol. 15 p. 323.

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