Chapter 3: The Vort

77. Once the engagement has been announced, it is customary to organize a Vort1 — a celebration to which relatives and friends are invited to come and say Lechaim and wish Mazal Tov to the chosson and kallah. Care should be taken that the men and women are separated by a proper mechitzah. The Rebbe writes that it is incorrect to spend large sums of money on a Vort.2 The Rebbe was not in favor of the chosson and kallah being photographed together.3 The chosson and kallah should not travel together on a flight to or from the Vort, or on any other occasions before their wedding.4

78. It is customary that the chosson or his family buys the kallah a gift of jewelry for the Vort. Today many buy a necklace. However we do not buy an engagement ring.5 (If a ring wants to be given then an ideal time would be after the chuppah in the Yichud room.) Thekallah or her family also buys the chosson a gift — e.g. a watch, seforim.

79. At the Vort a Kinyan should be made, and one invites a Rav to the Vort to make sure that this is done properly as follows: Two Kosher witnesses are designated by the Rav. These witnesses may not be relatives of each other or of the chosson and kallah. A garment belonging to one of the witnesses6 such as a Yarmulke or handkerchief/cloth napkin7 (that is at least the size of 3 fingers by 3 fingers) should be taken by the witnesses and given to the chosson who lifts it up at least 3 tefochim (24cm) in front of the two witnesses.8 The chosson then returns the garment to the witnesses who then go to the kallah and make the kinyan with her. The kinyan that they make is a formal act at which they both undertake to marry each other under a chuppah as per the details and circumstances that will yet be agreed upon by both parties.

80. After the kinyan has been made, the mothers of the chosson and kallah (or their representatives) together break an earthenware plate (usually wrapped in a cloth or in a paper bag to avoid any harm) and everyone exclaims Mazal Tov! 9

81. The chosson should say a Maamar Chassidus by the Vort.10 There is no standard Maamar for this occasion, and each chosson chooses a Maamar that is appropriate to the time of the year or to the occasion.

82. Some have a custom of reading the text of the Rebbe’s letter sent on notification of an engagement.

83. The custom in Chabad nowadays is that Tenaim are written on the day of the wedding and not at the engagement.11

84. It is correct that a fee should be paid to the shadchan — shadchonus gelt.12

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Chapter 2: Meetings and Decisions

Chapter 4: The Period Between the Engagement and the Wedding

Footnotes

The origin of the word “Vort” is based on the Talmud Kesubos 102b: “These matters are acquired by saying (Amira = Vort in Yiddish.)

Unfortunately, there seems to be the issue of outdoing the other when making a Vort. The Rebbe did not want people to unnecessarily waste money on a Vort — see Likkutei Sichos Vol. 19 p. 510, Shaarei Halachah Uminhag Even HoEzer p. 92.

Shaarei Shidduchin p. 203 as heard by Rabbi Leibel Groner.

Rabbi Leibel Groner relates that in the early years of the nesius when the Rebbe himself was the mesader kiddushin, a chosson and kallah once returned on the same flight from their Vort, and when the Rebbe heard about this, he withdrew his participation of being mesader kiddushin at the wedding — Shaarei Shidduchin p. 204.

Likkutei Sichos Vol. 19 p. 510. See Sicha of Parshas Ki Sissa 5741.

If the witnesses do not have such a handkerchief/cloth napkin, and someone else gives them one (for example if they take one from the caterer), they must themselves acquire it with a kinyan, and only then make a kinyan with the chosson and kallah — see Rama Choshen Mishpat 195:3,4.

It is best not to use a Gartel — see Seder Kiddushin Vnisuin — Kehot — 1:7, Hanissuin Kehilchossom 3:34.

In the Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch 366:12 it states that it is only necessary to lift the garment one tefach (see also Alter Rebbe’s Shulchan Aruch 527:17,18). However there are those who are particular to lift three tefachim — see Shulchan Aruch Choshen Mishpat 198:2, Sefer Kiddushin Vnissuin (Farkash) p. 5.

See Aruch HaShulchan Even HoEzer 50:26. The reason for breaking a plate is to remember the destruction of Jerusalem at the height of the simchah. It is also an act that finalizes the engagement.

10.

Igros Kodesh Vol. 13 p. 135. As regards to the question of singing the Alter Rebbe’s niggun by a Vort since it is reserved for special occasions (see Igros Kodesh Rayatz Vol. 3 p. 385), the Rebbe responded — “This is a question for a Rav”.

11.

See Igros Kodesh Vol. 7 p. 19.

12.

An interesting story is told in this respect. The official shadchan of the Rebbe with the Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was the chossid R. Binyomin Althaus from Nikolayev. At the time he did not wish to take any shadchonus gelt. Many years later on the Rebbe’s 25th wedding anniversary on Shabbos Parshas Vayishlach 5714, his son, R. Pinchos Althaus knocked on the Rebbe’s door and said that he wishes to claim the shadchonus fee that his father did not take at the time. The Rebbe asked him what he wanted, R. Pinchos answered that he wanted the Rebbe to farbreng! And so it was, the Rebbe held a most unusual farbrengen on that Shabbos. See Toras Menachem Vol. 10 p. 181 — Yemei Melech Vol. 1 p. 284.

By Nissan Dovid Dubov

Rabbi Nissan Dovid Dubov, a rabbinic scholar, lecturer and author, is director of Chabad Lubavitch in Wimbledon, UK.

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