Time a Boy Begins Putting On Tefillin

1. A boy should begin putting on tefillin two months before his bar-mitzvah. He should put them on without reciting a blessing and recite the entire morning prayers while wearing them.1

2. After a few weeks, when he has become well accustomed to putting on tefillin properly, he begins putting them on after first reciting the blessing.2

3. One does not make the blessing Shehecheyanu when he dons tefillin for the first time.3

4. The Rebbe directed that men should also put on Rabbeinu Tam tefillin daily. The boy begins putting these on two months before his bar-mitzvah as well.4

5. [Rabbeinu Tam tefillin should preferably be put on immediately after removing the Rashi tefillin. When this proves impossible, they may be put on throughout the day, until sunset.5 ]

6. [A rectification and teshuvah for one who forgot to put on Rabbeinu Tam tefillin: a) attaining a thorough knowledge of the practical laws of tefillin; b) studying two or three maamarim that deal with the subject of tefillin; c) studying subject matters relating to tefillin in the revealed and esoteric portions of Torah (and “whoever occupies himself in the laws … is considered as if he had actually performed them”6 ); d) committing the first twelve chapters of Tanya to memory.7 ]


The Day of the Bar-Mitzvah

1. Our Sages were generous in their praise of and the significance of the bar-mitzvah day.8

2. Following the morning prayers on the day of the bar-mitzvah, the congregation gathers in shul for a farbrengen. The father of the bar-mitzvah boy speaks in honor of the simcha and the bar-mitzvah boy repeats a chassidic discourse. It is customary to honor the guests with cakes and saying LeChayim, etc. It is customary that this be followed in the evening with a festive meal (see further).9

3. [A chassid once asked the Rebbe whether it would be advisable for the bar-mitzvah boy to go to the Ohel and repeat the discourse there. The Rebbe responded: “It is most appropriate.”10 ]

4. On the day of the bar-mitzvah, the bar-mitzvah boy should give tzedakah from his personal money, both before Shacharis as well as before Minchah.11

5. It would be extremely proper for the parents to give tzedakah on this day in the merit of their son.12

6. On the day of the bar-mitzvah, the bar-mitzvah boy is to study the fourteenth chapter of Tehillim.13

7. One does not recite the blessing Shehecheyanu for becoming bar-mitzvah.14


The First Aliyah

1. A bar-mitzvah boy should be called to the Reading of the Torah for his first aliyah on a Monday or Thursday morning, or at Minchah on Shabbos.15

2. The blessing Baruch She’patrani me’onesh halazeh (Siddur, p. 70)16 is said without mentioning G‑d’s name.17

3. The blessing can be said at the Reading of the Torah on a Monday, Thursday, or Rosh Chodesh, and not necessarily on Shabbos.18

4. It is not incumbent on the bar-mitzvah boy to read the Torah Reading of the Shabbos of his bar-mitzvah. His preoccupation in becoming well versed in that particular reading could prevent him from placing the proper emphasis on that which is most critical — spiritually preparing to take upon himself the yoke of mitzvos and learning the laws that apply to daily life, including the laws of tefillin.19


The Bar-Mitzvah Celebration

1. It is customary to make a festive gathering, a seudas mitzvah, in honor of the bar-mitzvah, for it is truly a joyous day — likened to the joy of a wedding.20

2. Friends and relatives are invited to the event. There should be at least a minyan in attendance.

3. During the gathering, the bar-mitzvah boy is wished LeChayim and is blessed with all material and spiritual blessings.21

4. It is customary for the bar-mitzvah boy to speak words of Torah, reciting both a chassidic discourse as well as a pilpul.22

5. [It has become the Chabad custom to repeat the discourse Isa beMidrash Tehillim of the year 5653 (printed in Sefer HaMaamarim 5652-53, p. 279, and also in Sefer HaMaamarim 5708).]

6. The Rebbe Rayatz directed that the recitation of words of Torah should not be interrupted. Those who nevertheless want to uphold the custom of interrupting [should wait until] the recitation has been concluded the first time and he begins the second recitation. Then he can be interrupted.23

7. It is customary that the Alter Rebbe’s Niggun be sung during the meal.24

8. The bar-mitzvah is to be celebrated on the very day that the bar-mitzvah boy has fully become thirteen years old.25

9. If, for whatever reason, the bar-mitzvah celebration is pushed off for some time after the actual date, it is worthwhile that on the bar-mitzvah day itself, a farbrengen be held with at least a minyan in attendance. The bar-mitzvah boy repeats a chassidic discourse.26 (See above, “The Day of the Bar-Mitzvah,” subsec. 2.)


Bas-Mitzvah

1. On the day of her bas-mitzvah,the bas-mitzvah girl is to give tzedakah, both before Shacharis as well as before Minchah.27

2. The parents are also to give tzedakah on this day in the merit of their daughter.

3. On the day of her bas-mitzvah, the bas-mitzvah girl is to study the thirteenth chapter of Tehillim.

4. The bas-mitzvah celebration must be entirely unostentatious, similar to celebrating a birthday in school, etc. The parents are to purchase a very fine present for the bas-mitzvah girl.28

5. The Rebbe’s response to the administration of Beis Rivkah regarding bas-mitzvah celebrations: “They are to be done specifically within the framework of a Mesibas Shabbos or a Melaveh Malkah.”


Birthday Customs

1. One should receive an aliyah on the Shabbos before the birthday. When one’s birthday falls on a Shabbos, he should receive an aliyah on the Shabbos before the birthday as well as on the Shabbos of the birthday itself.29

2. To give an increased amount of tzedakah both before Shacharis as well as before Minchah. If the birthday falls on Shabbos or Yom Tov, the tzedakah should be given the day before (and preferably, the day after Shabbos or Yom Tov as well).30

3. To make an effort to pray with intention and meditate on G‑d’s greatness, etc.678

4. To recite the entire Book of Tehillim during the course of the day, or at least one of its books.

5. To learn the chapter in Tehillim that corresponds with his age, e.g., if one becomes thirteen, he studies chapter fourteen.678

6. To increase one’s study of Torah.678

7. To study Chassidus — if at all possible, to study with others as well (i.e., reciting a chassidic discourse for them).678

8. To increase one’s kind and good deeds towards others, in the spirit of ahavas Yisrael.678

9. On one’s birthday, one should spend some time in seclusion, bringing to mind recollections from the past and pondering over them. As to those of his past actions that call for rectification or repentance, one should repent and rectify them.678

10. To accept upon oneself to perform a positive mitzvah more beautifully, or to refrain from a negative commandment more scrupulously.678

11. To make a festive gathering with family and friends in thanksgiving to G‑d. If possible, he should recite the blessing of Shehecheyanu over a new fruit or garment.678


Birthday Customs When One’s Child Is Very Young

1. On the birthday of a very young child, his parents themselves should fulfill the birthday customs — increased Torah study, good deeds and tzedakah — for the merit of the child.31


Wedding Anniversaries

1. It is a Jewish custom that on one’s wedding anniversary, family and friends join in a festive gathering to thank G‑d, etc., and to encourage and gladden the couple — the men doing so for the husband, and the women for the wife.32

2. Special emphasis is placed on celebrating singular anniversaries, such as the silver or gold anniversary.33