The Wedding Day

A wedding is a central and critically important event in a person’s life, and proper spiritual preparations should be made accordingly. These preparations are of particular importance when the momentous day arrives. Among the unique preparations are:

1. Chassan and kallah fast on their wedding day.1

2. The fast concludes after the chuppah. If the chuppah is held before sunset, there is no need for chassan and kallah to continue fasting until nightfall.

3. Chassan and kallah do not fast if their wedding occurs on any of the following days: Rosh Chodesh, Chanukah, Purim, Shushan Purim; the days that follow (i.e., Isru Chag) Pesach, Shavuos and Sukkos; the 15th of Av, the 15th of Shvat.2 However, even on these days, chassan and kallah should only eat that which is necessary and refrain from drinking intoxicating beverages.3

4. When the wedding takes place on Rosh Chodesh, chassan and kallah should fast the day before, on erev Rosh Chodesh.4

5. Chassan and kallah should utilize every free moment during the day for the recitation of Tehillim. If possible, the kallah should recite the entire Tehillim.5

6. Chassan and kallah are to give tzedakah on their wedding day. It is best that they give from their own money.6

7. The chassan immerses in a mikveh on his wedding day.7

8. Before the chuppah, the chassan wears a gartel for the Minchah prayer during which he recites the Al Cheit.8


The Parents

1. The parents are also to make spiritual preparations on the day of the wedding of their children. There are some parents who fast on the wedding day of their children. The Rebbe Rayatz fasted on the wedding days of his children (i.e., his three daughters).9

2. It is fitting for the parents of chassan and kallah to recite Tehillim in their merit.10

3. It is appropriate for the parents of chassan and kallah,as well as their relatives and friends, to give tzedakah in the merit of chassan and kallah.11


The Wedding

1. The kesubah is signed on the wedding day, before sunset. The tena’im are also then written and signed, and there is a formal acceptance of a kinyan. During the chuppah,the chassan gives the kallah the kesubah.

2. It is a Jewish custom that after signing and reading the tena’im and the kinyan, an earthenware plate is broken by the mothers of the chassan and kallah.


Kabbalas Panim

1. Prior to the chuppah,a reception, a kabbalas panim, is held for the chassan. If it can easily be done, thekabbalas panim is preferably held in a spiritual, Jewish educational institution.12

2. Candles were lit and challah was placed on the table of the Rebbe’s kabbalas panim, but no one partook of the refreshments.13

3. Chassidic melodies are sung and the chassan recites words of Torah. Our custom is to recite the discourse titled Lecha Dodi, recited by the Rebbe Rayatz in the year 5689 at the Rebbe’s wedding. [It has become increasingly prevalent to recite the maamar of this title recited by the Rebbe in the year 5714, which is based on the Rebbe Rayatz’s discourse.] The chassan should not be interrupted during his recitation of the discourse. (If the chassan is unable to recite the discourse, it is recited by another in his stead.)14

[The Rebbe Rayatz directed that the recitation of words of Torah should not be interrupted. Those who nevertheless want to uphold the custom of interrupting [should wait until] the recitation has been concluded the first time and he begins the second recitation. Then he can be interrupted.15 ]


Veiling the Kallah (Badeken)

1. Prior to the chuppah, the chassan and his escorts go to the kallah and the chassan covers her face with a thick veil so that her face cannot be seen.16

2. During the time that the chassan is led to the badeken, songs are sung and music is played. It is our custom to play and sing the Alter Rebbe’s Niggun.17

3. Some have the custom of showering the chassan and kallah with seeds, as a good omen.18


The Chuppah

1. The Rebbe’s chuppah took place after nightfall.19

2. The chassan and kallah should wear new garments at the chuppah.20

3. The chassan should wear a new kittel (a white garment) at the time of the chuppah.21 He should wear a coat on top of the kittel.22

4. Before the chuppah, any knots in the chassan’s clothes (such as in a necktie or shoelaces) should be untied. While the kiddushin is being solemnized, his pockets should be empty of all money, silver or gold objects, precious stones and the like. Nor should anything of this kind (such as a tiepin) be attached to his clothes; and certainly such a thing should not be in or on his hands.23

5. The unterfihrers escort the chassan and kallah to the chuppah carrying lit candles. The escorts should consist of two married couples. It is our custom that the two fathers escort the chassan and the two mothers escort the kallah.24

6. If one of the mothers is pregnant or if one of the parents is in a second marriage, it is preferable that an additional married couple be added to the escorts.25

7. The chuppah is held under the sky. Even during the winter when it is cold, etc., the chuppah is held under the sky and not in a hall. It is worth noting: There is absolutely no problem having the chuppah in a hall that has a special opening in the roof so that the chuppah itself is held under the sky.26

8. It is customary for all the unterfihrers, both the men and the women, to walk with the bride around the groom seven times.27

9. We begin singing the Alter Rebbe’s Niggun at the time the kallah is veiled. It continues to be sung until after the groom is circled seven times.

10. Some have the custom that the kohanim and the parents bless the chassan and kallah. The Mi Adir is then sung, after which the Rebbe’s letter to chassan and kallah is read.

11. The kallah stands to the chassan’s right, and the person reciting the “Seven Blessings” positions himself so that he faces eastwards.28

12. While standing under the chuppah, chassan and kallah are to think pure and holy thoughts regarding G‑d-fearingness, and they should pray to G‑d that they merit having upstanding children.29


Kiddushin

1. The decision of who will be the mesader kiddushin rests with the kallah’s family.30

2. The mesader kiddushin makes a blessing over the wine and then recites the betrothal blessings. The chassan and kallah then drink a little of the wine.

3. It is our custom that no one (not even the one who made the blessing over the wine) drinks the wine initially, except for the chassan and kallah.31

4. Following the betrothal blessings, the chassan betroths his wife with a totally round (both on the inside and outside) gold ring. The ring should be totally smooth without any engraving on either the inner or outer surfaces — not even that of the proof of the gold.32

5. The chassan begins placing the ring on the kallah’s finger while saying, “Harei at mekudeshes li k’das Moshe” and continues holding the ring and placing it on her finger. When he reaches the final word, “veYisroel,” he places it firmly and releases his hand from the ring.33

6. The ring is placed on the index finger (the finger nearest the thumb) of the kallah’s right hand.34

7. The kesubah is then read aloud. The blessing is again recited on wine, followed by the rest of the Sheva Berachos, the Seven Blessings.35 The chassan and kallah then drink a little of the wine.

8. The remainder of the wine in the goblet is given to someone else to finish. The goblet is then placed on the ground and the chassan breaks the goblet with his right foot.36

9. After the goblet is broken and before chassan and kallah leave the chuppah, the chassan treads lightly on the right foot of the kallah.(It is prohibited to do so if the kallah is not in a state of ritualpurity.)


The Yichud Room

1. After the chuppah, chassan and kallah are escorted to the yichud room — a designated, closed-off room.37

2. A silver spoon is placed on the threshold of the yichud room. The chassan and kallah step over it as they enter the room.

3. The chassan enters first, followed by the kallah.

4. At the Rebbe’s wedding, the mechutanim entered the yichud room as well. They then departed one by one.38

5. The father of the kallah, the Rebbe Rayatz, poured glasses of tea for the chassan and kallah and then left the room.

6. After the departure of all the mechutanim,the chassan and kallah remain alone in the room and the door is closed. They remain alone in the room for at least a number of minutes,39 during which time the witnesses wait near the door.40

7. Chassan and kallah eat and drink together while in the yichud room.


The Wedding Meal

1. It is appropriate that the actual wedding meal itself be simple and modest and not extravagant.

2. A tzedakah pushke should be placed on the chassan’s table and on the kallah’s table.41

3. At the Rebbe’s wedding, the father of the kallah, the Rebbe Rayatz, went around to the guests’ tables and gave them all mashke to say LeChayim.42

4. It is a truly great mitzvah to gladden the chassan and kallah through song and dance.43


The Days of Sheva Berachos

1. When one marries a woman, he is to celebrate with her for seven days. These days are called the “seven days of festivity.”44

2. During these days, chassan and kallah are deemed “king and queen” and are treated as such. They therefore, like royalty, do not go out in the street without an escort.45

3. Chassan and kallah are to be beautifully and elegantly dressed during these days.46

4. Many have the custom of preparing elaborate meals during the “seven days of festivity,” and friends and relatives are invited — at least a minyan. It is stated in some sefarim that it is proper to have such a festive meal during each of these seven days.47

5. Sheva Berachos are recited after the meal. In order to be able to recite all the Sheva Berachos, a new guest must be present (at least one individual who did not partake in the wedding or previous Sheva Berachos). A new guest is not required on Shabbos.

6. It is proper that during one of the days of Sheva Berachos,there be a “feast for the poor.”48

7. During the days of Sheva Berachos, if one’s mind is not settled enough to toil in Torah in depth, books with G‑d-fearing contentshould be read, such as tales of tzaddikim.49

8. Chassan and kallah are to endeavor to each give tzedakah every weekdayduring the course of these days.50

9. The Rebbe instructed a certain individual that his tzedakah be much more than a tenth of the money he received as gifts for his wedding.51