Matters Concerning Pregnancy and Birth, Bris, Pidyon HaBen, and Opsherenish

Segulos for Being Blessed With Children

1. Scrupulous and meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of taharas hamishpachah, family purity (niddah, hefsek taharah, immersion in a kosher mikveh, etc.), can assist the couple in being blessed with children. Since a lack of thorough knowledge of these laws leads to their imperfect performance, it is advisable that a practicing Rav inform the couple of all the detailed laws.1

2. Checking one’s tefillin and mezuzos to assure their kosher status.2

3. The diligent and assiduous study of Chassidus, as well as disseminating the wellsprings of Chassidus, and generally bringing fellow Jews closer to Judaism, is a segulah for children. It is most appropriate to organize one’s study sessions of Chassidus in a manner in which there will not be a passage of three days without the study of Chassidus.3

4. To live in Eretz Yisrael.4

5. To ascertain whether their shidduch may have wounded the pride of any Jewish young man or woman. If it did, they should ask for forgiveness.5

Segulos for Being Blessed With Male Offspring

1. Strengthening one’s love of a fellow Jew.6

2. Giving tzedakah each weekday before prayer. It is advisable that the tzedakah go toward feeding poor children.7

3. Being extremely hospitable to guests.8

Conduct During Pregnancy

1. During the first three months of pregnancy, husband and wife conceal the fact of the pregnancy even from their close relatives.9

2. The pregnancy is not publicized until the fifth month. This, however, does not apply to one’s closest relations.10

3. It is advisable to check the mezuzos if they have not been checked during the past year.11

4. The woman is to follow the doctor’s advice strictly and exactly with regard to nourishment, not overly taxing herself, etc.12

5. As much as possible, the woman is to avoid internal examinations — only external ones. One should also avoid examinations of the amniotic fluid. This applies even to women who are older. (This should be done in a sensitive manner in order not to hurt the doctor’s feelings.)13

6. The woman’s conduct during her pregnancy has an effect on her unborn child. It is therefore the custom of righteous women during the time of their pregnancy to be much more scrupulous in refraining from untoward matters and in engaging in the spiritual beautification and adornment of Torah and mitzvos.14

7. It also benefits the unborn child that the mother gazes at holy and pure objects during the time of the pregnancy, and refrains from observing impure things.15

8. It is advisable that during her pregnancy, the woman should give tzedakah prior to candle lighting on the eve of every Shabbos and Yom Tov. It is advisable that her charity be in the amount of eighteen (chai) and given to the tzedakah of Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes.16

9. It is not our custom that a woman who has entered her ninth month of pregnancy should immerse herself in a mikveh.17

10. It is stated in sefarim18 that in the ninth month of his wife’s pregnancy, the husband should make an effort to open the ark for the Torah reading. This is to be done with modesty and without fanfare.19

11. According to the AriZal’s custom, a pregnant woman takes three chickens for kaparos — two females and one male.20

12. When the wife is pregnant, she and her husband do not serve as kvateren (G‑d-parents) at a bris, nor do they serve as unterfihrers (“escorts”) at a chuppah.21

When Problems Arise During Pregnancy

For a woman who is having problems or difficulties with her pregnancy, it is advisable for her to do the following:22

1. To give tzedakah every weekday.

2. To give tzedakah prior to candle lighting on the eve of every Shabbos and Yom Tov to the tzedakah of Rabbi Meir Baal HaNes.

3. The husband should recite the daily portion of Tehillim as it is apportioned for the days of the month.

4. During the Bedtime Shema, prior to the blessing of HaMapil, the husband should recite Psalm 20 (למנצח .. יענך..). Upon concluding the psalm, he should repeat the second verse (יענך...). While reciting it — or just prior to its recitation — he should have in mind that G‑d should willingly accept his recital as though he had meditated on all the inner mystical meanings that pertain to it.

Childbirth

1. There is an ancient Jewish custom23 that has been practiced for centuries: to adorn the newborn’s home with pieces of parchment or paper on which are inscribed holy verses, angelic names, and the Psalm “Shir HaMaalos — A Song of Ascents...My help will come from the L‑rd.”24

When these verses are hung up prior to the labor and birth, they will certainly invoke heavenly blessings so that the labor and birth will be easy and without complications, and afterwards they extend their blessings for a good and long life.

.. Even when the birthing mother and infant are in the hospital, one should endeavor to hang up a Shir HaMaalos in the room of the mother and the child, and if possible to attach one to the cradle of the baby, similar to the custom which is practiced in their home.

It is most appropriate and propitious to put up these verses in the mother’s room as soon as she arrives at the hospital, when she goes in to give birth, and after the birth.25

2. At the time the Rebbe Maharashwas born, the Tzemach Tzedek directed his older sons to recite the following chapters of Psalms: 1, 2, 3, 4, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 33, 47, 72, 86, 90, 91, 92, 93, 104, 112, and from chapter 113 through the conclusion.26

3. The husband should not be in the birthing room while his wife gives birth.27

4. It is related in the Rebbe’s name that a woman who gave birth does not recite the thanksgiving blessing of HaGomel.28

5. Sacred objects are placed in the infant’s crib, such as a Shir HaMaalos and the like.29 Many also have the custom of placing a picture of the Rebbe.

6. Efforts should be made that the infant not gaze at unclean images. Even when he is older, efforts should be made that he not play with toys that have the images of unclean animals.30

7. The Rebbe directed that a special Sefer Torah be written in the ancient walled section of Jerusalem for the merit and blessing of Jewish children. He also directed that each child have a letter in the Sefer Torah which was to be purchased for a dollar.31

From Childbirth to the Bris

1. Upon the return of mother and child to their home, there is an accepted custom that young schoolchildren come each evening to the home, particularly during the evening preceding the bris, where they recite Torah verses as a segulah for the infant.32

2. The accepted practice is that the children recite the Shema, the entire Vihi Noam (the concluding verse of ch. 90 and the entire ch. 91 of Psalms) and the verse HaMalach HaGoel. Other verses are also recited. There are those who also have the custom of reciting the “Twelve Verses and Sayings of our Sages” that the Rebbe especially chose for Jewish children.

3. Afterwards the children receive sweets.

Shalom Zachar

1. A celebration is held on the night of Shabbos that precedes the bris. The celebration is known as a Shalom Zachar. It is the accepted practice to honor those attending with cakes, fruit and the like. Many also have the custom of serving chickpeas.33

2. It is customary for the father to have an aliyah on the Shabbos preceding the bris.

The Night Preceding the Bris

1. The night that precedes the bris is called the vacht nacht, “the night of guarding.” It is customary to be up that night and occupied in Torah study. There is a specific course of learning that is printed in many sefarim (e.g., Siddur of R. Yaakov Emden).34

The Mohel and the Infant’s Health

1. The deciding factor in choosing a mohel is his competency. Only then are spiritual matters — such as his knowledge of mystical intentions — to be considered. Thus, if there is a question whether to choose a mohel who is competent in his craft but is not stellar in his knowledge of intentions, etc., while the other mohel knows all the intentions, etc., but is less competent, the more competent mohel should be given preference.35

2. If there is even the slightest shadow of a doubt that the bris may endanger the infant’s life, the bris should be pushed off until the infant is completely healthy and there is no danger at all in performing the bris.36

3. An infant whose illness was such that the bris was pushed off because of it (e.g., the child was “red” or “yellow” and the like), then we wait an additional complete seven days after his recovery before the bris is performed.37

Time of the Bris

1. Although there is a principle that “those who are eager to do mitzvos perform them at the earliest opportunity,” the bris may nevertheless be delayed until the later hours of the day if doing so would increase the attendance, and thus increase the joy.38

The Sandek

1. It has been related that when the Rebbe Rayatz was once honored with being sandek (the individual upon whose knees the infant lies), he donned his tallis but did not make a blessing over it (although it was already three or four hours after he had concluded his prayers). The Rebbe acted in like manner.39

2. When the Rebbe was sandek, his tallis was placed only over his shoulders and not on his head. His head was covered with a hat.40

3. The Rebbe recommended that there not be two separate chairs, one for “Eliyahu’s chair” and one for the sandek. Rather, the sandek should sit on “Eliyahu’s chair.”41

4. The same individual is not honored to serve as sandek for two or more brothers. The Rav, the mara d’asra, may serve as sandek for two or more brothers.42

5. Chassidim who desire to honor their Rebbe with being sandek and cannot do so are accustomed to placing a picture of their Rebbe on the sandek’s knees, under the pillow upon which the infant is placed.43

The Bris

1. We have no established custom as to whether the mohel wears a tallis. In those places in which the custom is for him to wear one, he is to wear it; in places where the custom is for him not to wear one, he does not wear it.44

2. The blessing of Shehecheyanu is not recited at a bris.45

3. One should exert the utmost effort that the periah be done separately.46

4. Metzitzah is to be performed orally and without any type of instrument.47

The Festive Meal

1. After the bris, the assembled wash their hands for a festive meal. It is the custom of Anash that during the meal, the father repeats a chassidic discourse on the theme of milah.48

2. It is customary to sing the Alter Rebbe’s Niggun during the meal.49

3. During the Birkas HaMazon, following Mimarom, the HaRachamans for a bris are recited. (After their recitation, Birkas HaMazon is concluded, beginning with HaRachaman Hu yizakeinu.

4. Either during the meal or afterwards, a sum of money is given to a yeshivah as a “deposit” for the child’s tuition when he will become of age to attend.50

Naming the Child

1. The child’s name is determined by the parents. The parents are granted special insight from Above to give the child its proper name.51

2. Generally, naming the first child is the father’s prerogative; the second child is the mother’s; the third child, the father’s; the fourth the mother’s, and so on. (All the above applies when there is no other established custom.)52

3. The above notwithstanding, it is patently obvious that both parents have to agree and be satisfied with the name that is being given to their child.53

4. It is worthwhile to name a child after one’s Rebbe. Chassidim have the custom to name their children after the Rebbeimand Rebbetzins.54

5. There are different prevailing customs about naming a child after a person who is still alive: SephardicJews do so — it is considered an honor to the individual that a child is being named after him. AshkenazicJews scrupulously avoid naming a child after a person who is still alive.55

Naming a Boy

1. When a tzaddik has two names and it is impossible to name the infant with both (for the father or grandfather, etc., is already called by this name), the child is given one of the two names.56

2. When a child is called by a Rebbe’s name, no additional name (of another individual) should be added.57

Naming a Girl

1. A girl is named at the first Torah reading after her birth.58

2. At the Mi SheBeirach recited for a girl’s birth, or at her naming, etc., the text should read: “to raise her to Torah, chuppah and good deeds.”

3. A festive meal is made in honor of the baby’s naming, in praise and thanks to the Al-mighty.59

Candle Lighting

1. Young girls begin lighting candles (with the appropriate blessing[s]) on the eve of every Shabbos and Yom Tov from the time they begin to understand its significance (about the age of 3).60

2. The first time the young girl begins to light candles, she also recites the blessing of Shehecheyanu (which is done in any case when her first candle lighting is on the eve of a Yom Tov). She should wear a new garment at that time.61

Pidyon HaBen — Redeeming the Firstborn Son

1. It is a positive commandment incumbent on every Israelite (i.e., one who is neither a Kohen nor a Levi) to redeem his firstborn son born to his Israelite wife thirty-one days after his birth.62

2. If the thirty-first day falls on a Shabbos or Yom Tov, the pidyon haben is pushed off to the next day. It is not to be performed at an earlier date. 63

Order of Pidyon HaBen

1. The child is dressed in beautiful clothing and the parents wear their Shabbos garments. He is surrounded with silver and gold ornaments, placed on a silver tray and brought before the Kohen.64

2. The father notifies the Kohen that the infant is “a firstborn who opens the womb,” born to his wife who is an Israelite. He says to the Kohen: “My Israelite wife has borne me this firstborn son.”

3. The Kohen asks the father: “Which would you rather have? Your firstborn son or the five sela’im which you are obligated to give me for the redemption of this your firstborn son?” The father responds: “I want this, my firstborn son, and here you have the five sela’im that are required of me for the redemption.”

4. The father proceeds to give the Kohen the five sela’im65 which is required for the redemption, the weight of which is 96.2 grams66 of pure silver. The father then proceeds to make the blessings, Al pidyon haben and the Shehecheyanu.

5. It is customary that there be at least a minyan of Jews in attendance.67

6. It is the custom to celebrate the pidyon haben with a festive meal. The custom is to wash one’s hands for the meal prior to the actual redemption. It is a great merit to partake of this meal, as doing so is equivalent to having fasted 84 times.68

Who Is Free From the Obligation of Pidyon HaBen

1. A firstborn whose father or mother is a Kohen or Levi is free from the obligation of pidyon haben.69

2. A firstborn who was delivered by C-section is free from the obligation of pidyon haben.70

3. If the mother miscarried, the nextchild born after the miscarriage is free from the obligation of pidyon haben, under the following conditions:71

4. If the miscarriage occurred three months after pregnancy, the next boy to be born is free from the obligation of pidyon haben. If the miscarriage occurred between forty days after the pregnancy and before three months, a pidyon haben should be performed but without a blessing, as the obligation is in doubt. If the miscarriage occurred before forty days after the pregnancy, the child born after this miscarriage is fully obligated in pidyon haben and the pidyon haben blessings are recited.

The Child’s Earliest Years

1. It is customary to play and sing sacred songs in order that the infant hear them. (There are those who sing Rozhinkes Mit Mandelin, whose lyrics speak in praise of the Torah.)72

2. When the infant grows a bit older and it becomes feasible, most G‑d-fearing Jews scrupulously train the child in many sacred behaviors:73

3. A yarmulke is placed on the head of a toddler who is already capable of walking. There are those who begin even earlier — some as early as the day of the bris.

4. When the infant grows a bit older, pious individuals have the custom of washing his hands every morning.

5. [RebbetzinChana, of blessed memory, the Rebbe’s mother, once related that she would wash his hands every time he woke up from his sleep and desired to eat. She conducted herself in this manner from the day the Rebbe was born.74 ]

6. When the child becomes capable of speech, he is trained to say the Modeh Ani daily. He is also taught to say the verses Shema Yisrael and Torah Tzivah, which the child is taught to recite from memory.

7. In his ethical will, which he wrote at an early age, the Rebbe Rashabinstructed that his young son do the following:75 The child should have a yarmulke on his head from birth. From about the age of six months,76 the child’s hands should be washed each morning. Once he begins walking, he should wear tzitzis.

8. As mentioned above, efforts are made that the infant not gaze at the images of unclean animals; to the contrary, sacred objects are placed near his bed. Many have the custom of placing a picture of tzaddikim and the like near his bed.

9. Depending on the child’s aptitude, the child is taught the letters of the alef-beis even before reaching three years of age.77

Customs Related to Sleep

1. Lullabies that are sung to children with the fervent hope that this will get them to sleep are to have lyrics with sacred content.78

2. Before they go to sleep, it is customary to have the children kiss the mezuzah on their bedroom door.

3. Boys sleep with a yarmulke.79

4. [Advice for helping a child who has nightmares, or sleep terrors, or who awakens often during the night and finds it difficult to go back to sleep:80 a) check the kashrus of the mezuzah on his bedroom door; b) assure that he says the Shema and HaMapil before going to sleep; c) assure that he is receiving adequate nourishment; d) assure that all the food he eats is kosher; e) tell the child tales of tzaddikim (e.g., from The Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Memoirs); f) place a kosher, properly wrapped mezuzah near his bed; g) give tzedakah.]

Opsherenish — The Boy’s First Haircut

1. It is a Jewish custom not to cut the child’s hair until he is three years old.81

2. On the day the boy celebrates his third birthday, he receives his first haircut and his peyos (sidelocks) are left uncut.

3. A celebration is held in honor of the haircutting and the leaving of peyos.82

4. While the celebratory party can be pushed off for any number of days, the opsherenish itself is to be done on the day of the third birthday.83

5. When the child’s birthday falls on a day when haircuts are forbidden (such as on Shabbos, Yom Tov, during the days of Sefirah or the Three Weeks), the opsherenish is pushed off. Under no circumstances is the opsherenish to take place prior to the third birthday.84

6. If the birthday falls on one of the days between Pesach and Lag BaOmer, the opsherenish takes place on Lag BaOmer. If the birthday falls on one of the days between Lag BaOmerand Shavuos, then the opsherenish is pushed off until after Shavuos.

7. One does not get a haircut on Rosh Chodesh. Thus if the birthday falls on Rosh Chodesh,the opsherenish takes place on the next day.

Opsherenish in Meron

1. The custom in Eretz Yisrael is to hold the opsherenish in Meron, on the sacred gravesite of the holy tanna, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai.85

2. It is particularly significant that the opsherenish be held there on Lag BaOmer— the day of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai’s passing — if the child was born between Pesach and Lag BaOmer.86

Following the Opsherenish

1. It is usual from the day of the opsherenish and on to be particular to accustom the child to wear a tallis katan (tzitzis), and to recite the morning blessings, the Grace After Meals, and the bedtime prayers.87 (The child is accustomed to wearing a yarmulke a long time before this.)

2. Although it is impossible to establish with certainty at exactly what age the child commences his cheder studies — as every child develops at his or her own pace — nevertheless it is the accepted practice to enter the child in “cheder” from the age of three and up. Kindergarten or pre-school, where the children learn alef-beis, is considered as a cheder.88

Commencing Cheder

1. The day the child commences cheder is a joyous day for the parents, and they praise G‑d that they merited to enter their child under the “wings of the Shechinah.”89

2. The father takes his child to cheder in the morning while wrapped in a tallis so that he will not see impure things. Upon reaching the cheder, the father gives the child over to his teacher.

3. The child is taught the letters of the alef-beis, from alef until tav and then in reverse order, from tav to alef.

4. It is the accepted practice to begin learning the letters of the alef-beis with the child from a sacred book. Chassidim begin teaching the letters from the title page of Tanya.90

5. While learning the letters, honey is smeared on the letters and the child licks the honey so as to endear Torah learning to him.91

6. Among the verses recited with the child are Torah Tzivah and the first verse of Chumash Vayikra.

7. There are those who have the custom to bring a honey cake upon which are inscribed the verses from Yeshayahu 50:4-5. The teacher recites these verses with the child word for word.

8. A hard-boiled egg is brought, upon which is inscribed the verse from Yechezkel 3:3. The teacher recites the verse with the child word for word.

9. The child eats from the cake and the egg.

10. The child is showered with candies and told that the Angel Michoel is throwing the candies.92

11. It is advisable to give additional tzedakah on this day.

12. There are those who have the custom that the father fasts on this day, and, in such a case, a celebratory meal is served in the evening.

Teaching and Educating the Children

1. The order of learning is: First the letters alef, beis, gimmel … tav are taught. Then the vowels, kamatz, patach, etc., are taught and the child then says, “kamatz alef — ah.”

2. The children are to be taught the traditional Ashkenazicvocalization. However, our Sephardicbrethren, who have been using the Sephardicpronunciation for centuries upon centuries, need not change their customary vocalization (for “they are carrying on the tradition of their forefathers”).

3. Educating a child includes relating miracles and wonders that transpired with the Jewish people.

4. Parents must dedicate a significant amount of time each day to think about their children’s education and do everything in their power — and indeed more than what is in their power — to see to it that their children follow the path in which they are being guided.93

5. In his ethical will, which he wrote at an early age, the Rebbe Rashabinstructed the following regarding the education of his then young son, the [Rebbe] Rayatz: “Until the age of bar-mitzvah,he should not study anything other than Torah. Be very watchful and ensure that he does not read secular books. At the age of eleven or twelve, he should begin studying Tanya.”94