The Attribute of Kindness — Chessed
We must reflect more deeply on the essence of acts of lovingkindness and hachnassas orchim: the attribute of chessed.1
Chassidus explains that the attribute of chessed comes in two variations: chessed that derives from love of another, and chessed that results from love of one’s self.
To better understand this, we will first explain the fundamental difference between a kind and loving person, a person of chessed, and a severe and judgmental individual, a person of gevurah.2
A kind and loving person acts kindly to all regardless of the recipient’s state, i.e., whether he is actually deserving of this kindness or not.
A person of gevurah examines and scrutinizes each individual. Only those who pass his strict scrutiny and are truly deserving of his kindness will receive it. Others, however, will not.
Superficially it would seem that the kind and loving person possesses more love for others than does the strict and severe person, as the loving person acts kindly to all, even those who are not deserving of his kindness. The person of gevurah, on the other hand, does not seem to have a strong love for all people. He only loves those who are capable of being loved, those individuals who deserve to be loved, or those whom one should have mercy on. He does not, however, love those who are unworthy of love.
Chessed to the Unworthy
Chassidus, however, explains that, in truth, the opposite is the case. The strict and severe person of gevurah actually possesses more love to another than does the kindly and loving person of chessed.
The chessed individual extends his kindness and generosity to all, even to those whose poverty is purely a result of their laziness and indolence, and not because, try as they did, they simply could not find gainful employment.
It is thus quite possible that the “kindness” showered upon such a lethargic individual will only increase his slothfulness. As he becomes accustomed to receiving handouts from others, he will never do an honest day’s labor. He will thus spend the rest of his life in indolence, always begging from others and expecting them to provide for his needs, never providing for himself.
Thus, in reality, the “kind” person who can never say no is not really seeking the benefit and welfare of the other. Were this to be so, he would teach the person how to stand on his own two feet and not have to constantly seek out the kindness and favors of others. His “kindness” is merely a result of his own psyche; as a kind and gentle person, he feels a driving need to assist others but he fails to be adequately concerned for their true welfare.
A lowlier form of person who seemingly acts with chessed is one whose acts of chessed wholly result not from his gentle nature but from his coarseness — he wants to become famous and known by all as a kind and generous individual. In truth, he does not care about the poor and the unfortunate at all.
Chessed Garbed in Pain and Suffering
A person of gevurah, however, is truly concerned with the welfare of the impoverished individual. As a result, he will aid someone who is truly in need with acts of chessed to the greatest extent possible.
However, the person of gevurah will act differently with an individual who is fully capable of earning his own living and whose poverty is a direct result of his laziness. The person of gevurah will endeavor to educate him by not offering him an outright monetary grant so that his indigency will lead him to realize the importance of going out and earning a living on his own.
It is similar to a doctor who must apply a painful remedy in order to heal his patient. Clearly, the doctor is not causing the patient pain out of enmity toward him; to the contrary, his love and concern for his patient, and his desire that he become well, force him to apply painful measures. By doing so, the temporary pain will result in the patient’s complete recovery and he will then be able to live a healthy and tranquil life once again.
The same is true of the person of gevurah. While he may temporarily humiliate the beggar, what he is really trying to accomplish is an authentic act of chessed. This is why he will sometimes cause the needy individual pain by witholding assistance so that the temporary discomfort will teach him to stand on his own for his everlasting benefit.
Thus the driving force behind the person of gevurah is love of another, while the driving force behind the kindly individual who can never say no is his own self-love.
When No One Needs His Kindness
The difference between the chessed individual and the gevurah individual becomes obvious in a situation where there is no one in need of the person’s kindness and generosity. In this instance, the chessed individual will feel badly that he has no one upon whom to shower his chessed.
This seems odd indeed. Why should he be saddened by the fact that there is no need for him to extend his kindness? He should celebrate the fact that all the people are now fully employed and there is no need for his assistance. Why complain that he has no one to give to?
However, this type of chessed individual is really out to satisfy his own needs. He wants to feel good that he has helped others, and when there is no one who needs his help or his acts of kindness, he feels deprived. In reality, such an individual is thinking about himself and is not truly concerned about the needs of the poor.
The gevurah individual, however, is motivated by a sincere desire to be of assistance to others. When no one is in need of his help, he is truly happy that the situation is such.3
Kindness That Stems From Modesty and Humility
It is equally true that there is a form of chessed that stems from one’s love of another, for there are two forms of chessed:
a) The desire to benefit others emanates from a feeling of superiority and condescension: the person is prosperous and successful and desires that everyone be aware of his success and greatness.
b) The desire to benefit others emanates from a feeling of humility and modesty: he is humble before all and he feels that whatever he possesses is a gift from Above that is meant to be shared with others.
Both of these chessed individuals will assist all, even those who are unworthy of assistance, but a vast gulf separates the logic these two types of individuals employ when rendering assistance to the unworthy.
The former will do so because he is a giver by nature, but he does not really care about the true benefit of the recipient.
The latter will lend his assistance out of his sense of humility and modesty. He is so humble in his own eyes, so self-effacing and unassuming, that he feels humbled by even an undeserving individual and will therefore deal with him kindly.
Alternately, his extreme humility prevents him from seeing faults in others. Thus, he will extend his chessed even to an individual who is filled with faults and is entirely underserving of his chessed, as he fails to see his faults.
Providing Food Needed for Himself; Providing Luxury Items to Others
The difference between these two individuals becomes glaring in the following instances:
a) When a person has just enough food for himself and giving food to another means he will not have enough to eat himself.
When a person’s chessed emanates from a feeling of superiority and condescension, he will clearly not share his own slice of bread with another. However, when a person’s chessed emanates from a feeling of humility and self-effacement — feeling that the other person is even more important than he — he will share his own crust of bread with the other person.
b)What exactly will he give the poor person? Only basic foodstuffs that will enable the other individual to exist, or will he provide him with more than the basics, offering him some sumptuous foods as well?
The pompous chessed individualwill give the poor person strictly what is necessary for his subsistence, while the “humble” chessed individual will provide him with luxuries as well. Since the latter feels himself to be even lower than the poor individual, the pauper thus takes precedence over him even with regard to luxuries.
Avraham Avinu — A True Man of Chessed
As mentioned earlier, Avraham was a true person of chessed. His home was open to all and his form of chessed was of the most lofty — chessed that results from humility, self-effacement and true love for others.
Avraham says of himself,4 “I am but dust and earth” — he was truly humble. Our Sages note that in order for one to be considered a disciple of Avraham, he must possess “a good eye, a humble spirit and a meek soul.”5
Avraham thus dispensed chessed and goodness to all as a result of his humbleand unassuming nature, thinking of himself as “but dust and earth.” He assumed all other people to be better than himself and therefore assisted them all.
We therefore see that Avraham even did without those things that were most important to him (far more important than his own slice of bread) in order to aid others. For we know that Avraham passed up that which was of supreme importance to him — G‑d revealing Himself to him — in order to receive his guests.
This is truly the most complete and all-embracing form of chessed imaginable!
Avraham bequeathed this trait to the entire Jewish people so that every Jew is by his very nature a true chessed individual, chessed that derives from true humility.
Thus our Sages state:6 “This nation is distinguished by three characteristics: they are merciful, bashful and benevolent.”
A Jew’s Three Natural Traits
Let us further ponder the words of our Sages that the Jewish people are “distinguished by three characteristics; i.e., they are merciful, bashful and benevolent.” The order of these traits needs to be understood:7
Most important of all is “benevolence,” extending a helping hand to all in need. The first two traits, mercy and bashfulness, are merely emotions, and emotions do not have a direct bearing on others as does the actual act of benevolence. Shouldn’t the order, then, have been reversed, first stating “benevolent” and only later stating “merciful” and “bashful”?
The reason the statement is so ordered by our Sages is to inform us about the essential character of a Jew’s benevolence; that it stems from his true humility. This is why benevolence follows after its root causes of being merciful and bashful.
This is to say that since a Jew is humble and refined, merciful to others, and innately modest and bashful, his subsequent benevolence will reflect these traits and be accomplished and performed in the finest possible manner, unstintingly and wholeheartedly.
