The Eirusin of Yosef HaTzaddik
The Torah informs us1 that the first Jew to perform eirusin was Yaakov’s son Yosef, who betrothed his wife before marrying her. 2
The verse states, “Yisroel saws Yosef’s sons (Ephraim and Menashe) and asked, ‘Who are these?’ Yosef responded, ‘These are my sons that G‑d has granted me here.’”3
Rashi explains that when Yaakov sought to bless Yosef’s sons, the Divine Presence departed from him. He therefore asked Yosef, “From where were these boys born; [children] who are not worthy of being blessed,” meaning that if these children were not worthy of being blessed, perhaps there was a flaw in Yosef’s marriage. Yosef then showed his father his betrothal and marriage contract, thereby indicating that he had betrothed his wife, Osnas, before he married her and his betrothal and matrimony were proper. The children, therefore, were born of a proper marriage.
The commentators on Rashi ask:4 How is it possible that Yaakov suspected Yosef’s children of being born of a flawed marriage when he saw them on a daily basis when they would come to study Torah with him and attend to his needs. Now, after seventeen years in his constant company he would suddenly find them to be flawed and ask, “From where were these boys born, [children] who are not worthy of being blessed?”
This is even more perplexing given the fact that Yaakov was well aware of Yosef’s righteousness during the entire time that Yosef dwelled in Egypt, successfully withstanding all the difficult tests that confronted him there (such as the episode with Potiphar’s wife). Why he would suddenly contest the acceptability of Yosef’s marriage and claim that his children were born of an improper marriage is baffling.
[The commentaries on Rashi try to answer this question in a number of ways. However, as the Rebbe points out in Likkutei Sichos, their answers are not entirely persuasive.]
What Exactly Is the Contract of Betrothal?
We must also understand what is meant by “he showed him his betrothal contract.”
In the times prior to Matan Torah, the custom of eirusin did not exist. Nor is it stated anywhere that eirusin was performed by Avraham, Yitzchak or Yaakov, our Patriarchs; or Yaakov’s children, the Tribes. Why then does Yaakov ask Yosef whether he married Osnas properly, i.e., with eirusin preceding nisuin, when during that time not a soul — Yaakov included — performed eirusin?
We must also understand what is meant by Rashi’s expression, “he showed him his betrothal contract....”
It is the Jewish custom to perform eirusin with either money or an object that has monetary value. Even after Matan Torah, we do not find that eirusin was performed with a written contract. How does Rashi know that Yosef specifically performed eirusin with a written contract?
It is necessary to explain, says the Rebbe, that the “betrothal contract” is not referring to the document with which eirusin was performed, but a document proving that Yosef performed eirusin. Basically, Yosef recorded the fact of his eirusin, [while his eirusin was performed in another manner].
What is the reason Yosef wrote such a document?
Yosef desired to record that his marriage differed markedly from the usual manner of marriage during that period.
All other individuals would begin living together as husband and wife soon after they became acquainted, without preceding their union with eirusin and the like. In the words of the Rambam:5 “Prior to Matan Torah, when a man would meet a woman in the marketplace, if they both desired ... he would bring her into his home ... and she would become his wife” — i.e., the state of marriage would immediately ensue without being preceded by any form of eirusin.
Yosef’s approach to his marriage with Osnas was, however, very different. After becoming acquainted, they first experienced a preparatory stage to their marriage (similar to a shidduch and eirusin) and only then did they get married and live together as husband and wife.
There are a number of matters, however, that must still be resolved:
a) Why did Yosef feel it necessary to write a document that would prove his eirusin and, moreover, begin a custom that was not the tradition and practice of his forefathers? b) Why did Yaakov suddenly demand that Yosef prove his eirusin — something he did not do with his other sons? and c) Inasmuch as the Patriarchs observed the entire Torah even before it was given,6 why did they not observe eirusin?
Matrimony Prior to Matan Torah
In order to understand all the above, we must first explain the fundamental difference between the era that preceded Matan Torah and the era that followed.
The Midrash states:7 David said: “The Holy One, blessed be He, decreed,8 ‘The heavens are the heavens of G‑d, and the earth He gave to mankind....’ Nevertheless, when He desired to give the Torah, He nullified that original decree and said, ‘The lower realms shall ascend to the higher realms and the higher realms shall descend to the lower. And I shall take the initiative.’ As it is written,9 ‘And G‑d descended on Mount Sinai,’ and ‘To Moshe, He said, “Ascend to G‑d.”‘”10
In other words,11 according to the original pattern of Creation, the material and the spiritual were confined to separate realms of existence — discrete planes that would never converge. The ultimate Divine intent, however, was to fuse the two, so that G‑dliness would be revealed within our material world.
Because G‑d’s Essence is truly unlimited, it is possible for the spiritual to descend and become manifest within our world, and our worldly experience to be elevated beyond material concerns and become an expression of spiritual truth.
The revolutionary transformation that occurred at Matan Torah is mirrored to a large extent in the institution of marriage.
We have explained in previous chapters that the bond between husband and wife that exists at the time of eirusin is entirely a bond of the soul — sharing a spiritual life, but not a physical one. Indeed, they do not live under the same roof until after nisuin.
[At present, however, the wholly spiritual bond at the time of eirusin is not obvious, for eirusin is immediately followed by nisuin.]
The novel aspect of eirusin is that since they share a spiritual connection, they are regarded as a couple in the physical sense as well although there is yet no physical connection between husband and wife.
The spiritual dimension thus has an impact on the physical dimension. Notwithstanding the fact that they did not live their physical lives together as a couple, they are still considered to be husband and wife.
This could only transpire after Matan Torah and not before, for prior to Matan Torah, when the material and the spiritual were confined to separate realms of existence, the spiritual realm could not impact the physical realm. Thus the unification of the couple’s soul would not have transformed them into husband and wife in the physical realm; the spiritual effect would have remained in the spiritual realm, not able to affect the lowly realm of the physical and material in any way.
After Matan Torah, however, with the newfound ability of the spiritual to descend and become manifest within our world, the spiritual unification of the previously sundered soul of husband and wife is able to have an effect on the physical realm as well. Thus, with the performance of eirusin and its concurrent unification of the spiritual dimension of the couple, they became husband and wife in a physical sense as well.
The Unique Aspect of Yosef
Yosef’s performance of eirusin prior to Matan Torah can be understood in two ways:12
a) His eirusin was not actually the same as present day eirusin; it merely bore some similarity to it.
The essential aspect of eirusin is that it serves as a preparation to nisuin; in order for husband and wife to live in complete harmony and unity, proper preparations must be made. These preparations consist of feeling separate and apart from all other people (as well as from corporeality), as husband and wife are to be exclusively attached to each other. Once this preliminary step of eirusin has been accomplished, it is possible for the couple to live truly happy lives together in love and harmony, as explained earlier at length.
Yosef conducted himself in a similar manner; before getting married, he spiritually prepared himself for his wedding in a manner akin to the spiritual preparation of eirusin.
Thus, Yosef’s wedding preparations were not halachically the same as eirusin, as Yosef lived before Matan Torah (and the spiritual and soul connection of the couple brought about by eirusin could not affect their physical state of being considered husband and wife). Consequently, Yosef’s wedding preparations were characterized as eirusin only in that they somewhat resembled our present day eirusin.13
b) Yosef’s eirusin was of the same rank and had the same halachic standing and potency as eirusin after Matan Torah.
Yosef differed from the Patriarchs and his brothers as he possessed a tremendous degree of spiritual robustness, enabling him to retain his sanctity throughout all his years in Egypt and all the challenges he faced there. This ability to combine the highest degree of spirituality, even within the most physical of locations, was very similar to the level of G‑dliness that was revealed after Matan Torah. Yosef possessed the ability to unite holiness and spirituality with the physical and material world; to unite body and soul.
His eirusin was therefore as effective and indistinguishable from eirusin performed after Matan Torah, for the spiritual and soul connection accomplished by Yosef’s eirusin affected the physical plane of his life as well in that he and his wife truly became a couple although they had yet to engage in a physical relationship.
Yosef Lived Jewishly Amid Egyptian Culture —
Meriting Special Powers
The reason Yosef was able to perform eirusin even though it was before Matan Torah, while the Patriarchs and the Tribes were unable to do so, is as follows:
The Patriarchs and the Tribes were separated and detached from the people around them, making their living as shepherds. They were therefore able to isolate themselves from the surrounding cultures and from corporeality as a whole. Even when they lived in Egypt, they dwelled in an isolated area — the land of Goshen — where they and their families lived alone without any interaction with Egyptians. The Patriarchs and the Tribes were thus protected from the negative influences and the depraved culture of Egypt.
Yosef, on the other hand, was intimately involved in the affairs of Egypt, the “abomination of the earth,”14 living among people who were steeped in depravity.15 Particularly after the incident with Potiphar’s wife,16 Yosef sought to prepare himself for his wedding in the most spiritual manner possible and to be completely different and unlike the Egyptians. Only by so doing could he fortify himself against the malevolent influences of Egypt.
Yosef was therefore exclusive among the Patriarchs and Tribes in performing eirusin, which he accomplished in one of the two above-mentioned ways:
a) His actions were an intense and inner spiritual soul preparation to marriage. He did so in order to insure that he be separate and apart from Egyptian culture and waywardness, a culture where they would “meet a woman in the marketplace and immediately have her enter their home, etc.” He therefore made sure to adequately prepare for his wedding by making the appropriate spiritual preparations — preparations that were similar to eirusin.
b) His actions were of the same spiritual and halachic import as eirusin performed after Matan Torah. Inasmuch as Yosef lived in the midst of the Egyptians, G‑d granted him special powers that his eirusin be as valid and as potent as eirusin performed after Matan Torah. G‑d granted him this ability in order to strengthen him to be successful in overcoming the pervading Egyptian culture of depravity and licentiousness.
The Shabbos Observance of Yosef
To better understand the above, let us further examine the notable Midrash that teaches us about Yosef’s greatness and holiness:
The Midrash17 comments on the verse, “… [He] commanded the supervisor of his house ... to slaughter an animal and prepare a meal,”18 and notes that “prepare” refers to making preparations for Shabbos, “for Yosef observed Shabbos even before the commandment was given.” Thus Yosef prepared his Shabbos meals and took care of his other Shabbos needs on Friday, erev Shabbos.
We must understand what was unique about Yosef’s Shabbos observance. It is well known that the Patriarchs and the Tribes observed Shabbos as well as all the other Torah commandments. Why is there a special teaching regarding Yosef’s Shabbos observance?
Also, the expression of the Midrash that Yosef observed Shabbos “before it was given” requires scrutiny.
One “gives” a tangible item; an article or an object that can be transferred from one place to another. However, when someone is commanded to do or not do a particular thing, the term “given” does not apply.
Since the mitzvah of Shabbos entails resting from any form of the thirty-nine prohibited labors, in keeping with G‑d’s resting on this day — “He rested on the Seventh Day from all His work which He had done”19 — the Midrash should have stated that Yosef observed Shabbos even before it had been “commanded,” not “given.”
Two Distinct Dimensions of Shabbos
There are two distinct levels and degrees of Shabbos observance:
a) Observance of the prohibitory commandments, i.e., refraining from negative actions in keeping with the command against performing labor on Shabbos. This is incorporated in the prohibitory command of “Observe the Shabbos day to sanctify it,”20 consistent with the theme, “He rested on the Seventh Day from all His work which He had done.”
b) The positive command and action to rest on Shabbos is not only to refrain from labor but to actually rest and repose — “He rested on the Seventh Day.”21 As Rashi comments:22 “What was the world still lacking? Repose and tranquility. When Shabbos arrived, rest and repose arrived as well.” This is the positive command of “Remember the Shabbos day to sanctify it.”23
Kabbalah and Chassidus explain that the world is illuminated with a superior level of G‑dliness on Shabbos, a level not found within the world during the rest of the week. Our Sages thus say,24 “Shabbos draws down holiness,” as an extra measure of holiness is drawn down into the world on that day.25
The luminosity and sanctity of Shabbos affects and influences every Jew to the extent that he is lifted to a far higher spiritual level than that of his weekday level; indeed, on Shabbos every Jew receives an “additional soul.”
The superior state of the Jew on Shabbos is observable not only on the spiritual plane but on the physical plane as well, whereby a Jew’s countenance on Shabbos is more luminous than during the rest of the week. As the Midrash states26 on the verse, “G‑d blessed the Seventh Day” — “He blessed it with man’s luminous countenance; man’s countenance during the weekdays bears no comparison to his Shabbos countenance.”
In light of the above, we can fully understand the expression of the Midrash that Yosef observed Shabbos when it had “yet to be given”: Shabbos possesses two distinct aspects and dimensions — the command of the prohibition of labor and G‑d’s “giving” us an added dimension and degree of holiness, an “additional soul” that we receive only on Shabbos.
Shabbos Observance of the Patriarchs
The Shabbos observance of the Patriarchs consisted only of refraining from performing any of the prohibited labors, i.e., they merely observed the prohibitory commandments relating to Shabbos. Their observance did not include, however, the positive aspect of drawing down an additional measure of holiness on the Shabbos day.
The reason they were unable to draw down this additional measure of holiness was that before Matan Torah, one could only observe those mitzvos that were dependent on the person himself — an individual could act stringently as it related to himself and observe the mitzvos even before he was specifically commanded to do so. He could not, however, observe those mitzvos that were connected to a given object when that object did not yet exist.
With regard to Shabbos, “Do not perform labor” is a mitzvah that is imposed on man, that the person not perform labor. As such, a commandment of this sort could also be observed prior to Matan Torah; the Patriarchs could choose to observe Shabbos by refraining from labor on that day even before they were formally charged to do so.
However, this was not so regarding the observance of “Remember the Shabbos day to sanctify it,” which requires the existence of the intrinsic sanctity of Shabbos to be drawn downwithin the world.For the inherent sanctity of Shabbos is not dependent on man but on the fundamental aspect of the Shabbos day, with Shabbos drawing down an additional dimension of holiness from above, an “additional soul.”
During the times of the Patriarchs, this degree of Shabbos sanctity had yet to be revealed within the world, for prior to Matan Torah the material and the spiritual were confined to separate realms of existence; the sanctity of Shabbos remained above in the spiritual realms and did not descend below. It would have been impossible, then, for the Patriarchs to draw down the sanctity of Shabbos into this material world.
The Distinction of Yosef’s Shabbos Observance
In this respect, Yosef was distinct from the Patriarchs and from his brothers, the Tribes.
Yosef merited to receive this lofty level of Shabbos as well, as the Midrash states, “Yosef observed Shabbos even before the commandment was given” — Yosef was granted the added dimension of the “supplementary soul” of Shabbos even before Matan Torah, a gift not even granted to the Patriarchs.27
The reason only Yosef was granted this gift is that Yosef lived in the heart of Egypt, a place of extreme wickedness and immorality. It was necessary that he be granted additional measures of holiness so that he would be able to contend with the extreme degree of evil and wickedness there. He therefore merited to experience the post-Matan Torah fusion between the spiritual and the material (at least in certain respects). Thus, the “supplementary soul” of Shabbos was able to descend within Yosef’s physical being, empowering him to remain just and holy and not be tempted by the wickedness and immorality of Egypt.28
Yosef’s Eirusin
The same is true regarding Yosef’s eirusin.
Since the pre-Matan Torah separation between the spiritual and material did not exist for Yosef, and his body was sensitive to the spirituality of his soul, he was able to perform eirusin in the same manner as eirusin is performed subsequent to Matan Torah, wherein the soul bond of eirusin has an actual effect on the bodies of husband and wife in making them an actual couple.
The reason Yosef was granted this ability is that Egypt was steeped in immorality, particularly sexual immorality, as seen in the story of Potiphar’s wife. Yosef therefore required an additional measure of Divine assistance for his married life to be entirely proper.
He received this power through his ability to perform eirusin, connecting utterly with his soulmate.
The couple’s soul bond is much stronger than the couple’s physical connection, as explained in the introductory chapters of this book. When the soul is allied with, and connected to, the body, then the soul’s intense connection to the spiritual enhances the body’s connection as well. In that way, the marriage of husband and wife is removed from all “Egyptian” cultural influences and is entirely proper and supremely successful.