Husband and Wife Possess One Soul
Kabbalah and Chassidus1 teach us that husband and wife share one soul.
People’s souls exist prior to their birth as well, for as explained in the Torah, souls reside above in the lofty spiritual worlds. When the time comes for them to descend into this world, they then descend and vest themselves in their respective bodies.
With regard to husband and wife, Kabbalah teaches us that they are, in essence, one soul. When the soul descends into this world, it splits up and divides into two parts — half of the soul clothes itself in the body of the future husband and half of the soul clothes itself in the body of the future wife.
Afterwards — at the time of their wedding — when the verse “He shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh”2 is fulfilled, the two halves of the soul reunite and they once again become one seamless soul entity.
At the Time of the Chuppah the Couple Unites
In light of the above, we will understand the unique structure of the marriage ceremony:
Were a wedding to be only a ceremonial contract, where husband and wife mutually undertake to live a physical life together, then a wedding would not be a vital part of the establishment of the relationship and connection between husband and wife.
For any partnership contract, important as it may be, is but an introductory step, merely signifying the resolve of the parties to carry out the particulars of the contract at a later date. That which is of greatest import is the future, after the partnership contract has been signed, at which time the terms of the contract are actually implemented and executed.
This is entirely different from the spiritual connection between husband and wife that results from the chuppah itself.In this case, the connection and bond — the actual implementation and execution of the partnership and marriage contract — between husband and wife result from the ceremonial contract itself, wherein the two halves of the soul merge and become truly one entity.
Even so, building a relationship between individuals and so, too, developing a physical and corporal relationship between husband and wife cannot be accomplished instantaneously. Rather, it is a long drawn-out process composed of many stages. The relationship is built step by step, with both partners in the relationship slowly gaining trust in, and closeness with, each other. Ultimately, they reach the pinnacle of their relationship, achieving total and absolute feelings of mutual friendship, intimacy and trust.
However, regarding the soul relationship between husband and wife, in one single instant, when the groom places the ring on his bride’s finger under the chuppah, there is an absolute and total connection between husband and wife achieved at that moment.
In this lies the awesome power and might that is concealed in the simple act of kiddushin at the wedding.
One moment before the chuppah, husband and wife were two wholly distinct and separate spiritual beings, lacking a spiritual and internal soul connection that would link and bind them. Then, in one brief, remarkable instant of the chuppah, the moment the husband places the ring on his bride’s finger, this extraordinarily lofty and stunning phenomenon is achieved — utter and incomparable absolute unity between husband and wife, whereby the two souls become “one flesh,” one single spiritual being and entity.
The Awesome Power of the Wedding Ceremony
Even more remarkable is the fact that the very act of becoming wed possesses the power to accomplish the unification of the couple, transforming them into a single spiritual soul entity. It is as if the very signing of the partnership contract embodies such power and force that it utterly unites both parties.
Here, as well, we observe the singular and extraordinary characteristic of a wedding — a quality that has no equal in any other type of agreement or contract.
All other written contracts and agreements merely serve to provide a written record of an agreement reached by the two parties; whether to implement a transaction, form a partnership, and the like. Understandably, the contract or agreement itself — i.e., the piece of paper signed by both parties — holds no intrinsic influence or sway, contributing absolutely nothing at all to actualizing the agreement. It merely serves as proof that the two parties desire to implement an agreement, while the implementation itself depends wholly on the subsequent actions of the two parties.
Therefore, people who completely trust each other and do not fear that the other party will violate the agreement, have no need to sign a contract, for that piece of paper itself has no magic powers that assist in its fulfillment. Thus, when trust is not an issue, a contract is entirely superfluous.
Marriage, however, is completely different.
The ability of the couple to become “one” emanates from the “contract” and pact itself — from the chuppah itself. In other words, not only does the connection between bride and groom occur at the time of the chuppah, it is actually created through the chuppah. The chuppah contains a concealed power and energy that actually brings about and implements the unity of the bride and groom and transforms them into a couple.
In the pages that follow, we shall explain more fully what are the actual special spiritual energies and forces that are found in the act of the chuppah.
A Wedding Provides Limitless Powers
In addition to the amazing details cited above, a wedding possesses another incredible and lofty aspect. This aspect is realized as a result of the wedding — the fulfillment of the commandment to “be fruitful and multiply,” i.e., to have children.
Bringing children into the world is unlike any other human activity or accomplishment. For all other human activities and achievements do not involve creating and forming something entirely new; they only serve to reveal forces and attributes that are already in existence.
For example, a goldsmith does not create gold. The lump of gold fashioned by the goldsmith previously existed; he merely reshapes its external form when he “creates” a piece of jewelry, i.e., he is only exposing pre-existing attributes and features inherent in the gold. The same is true with all other of man’s labors.
Bringing children into the world, however, is a truly original creation in which new life has been created: a living human comes into being which previously did not exist.3
In actuality, this point lies at the crux of the general and fundamental difference between the Creator and His created beings:
All activity of created beings centers on affecting pre-existing matters and substances, i.e., making “something from something.” Creativity consists of making things and structuring the world by utilizing and manipulating physical components and elements that already exist. Created beings, however, are incapable of creating something entirely new; something that does not already previously exist.
G‑d, on the other hand, can create entirely new things that previously did not exist at all — creating “something from nothing.”
The only exception to this inherent creative limitation of mankind is when it comes to having children. Concerning this, living beings (in partnership with G‑d)4 possess exceptionally lofty and potent powers, analogous to the extraordinary powers of the Creator.
When a child is born, a new being is created in this world that previously did not exist. Creating new life that previously did not exist is truly a matter of creating “something from nothing.” Chassidus explains5 that in order to create a child, man receives “a higher power, a power of the blessed Infinite One, that entirely transcends nature.” It is with this power that man can partner6 in creating “something from nothing.”
This special and unique power is received by the couple at the time of the chuppah.
Thus, we observe once again the tremendous and astonishing power of a wedding and the lofty powers and energies that a wedding grants.
Meticulousness in Carrying Out the Chuppah Customs
However, in order for the spiritual accomplishments that are achieved at a wedding to be implemented to the fullest and be entirely effective, we have been commanded by our Sages to perform a number of various customs whose purpose is to bestow upon the physical act of kiddushin — placing the ring on the bride’s finger — the lofty spiritual dimension of marriage [that enables the two halves of the soul to truly unite, and makes it possible for the couple to receive the power of the blessed Infinite One to bear children].
Thus it is self-understood that it is most proper to be meticulous in performing all the detailed and particular customs, doing so in the most comprehensive and scrupulous manner.
Having completed the introduction, we will proceed to explain, with G‑d’s help, the meaning of all the customs — beginning with choosing the shidduch and concluding with the wedding — and we will see how each individual custom prepares the couple for the awesome and lofty state of the chuppah.