Marriage as an Eternal Edifice Is Attained Specifically Through Attachment To the Moshe of the Generation

In one of the maamarim1 that my father-in-law, the Rebbe, presented to be learned on the second of Nissan, the day of his father’s passing, he [i.e., the Rebbe] explains the verse (at the beginning of our Torah portion), “And you (Moshe) shall command the children of Israel and they shall bring you pure olive oil ... to keep a constant lamp burning.”

[The Rebbeasks:] “On the face of it, it is extremely difficult to understand how it is possible for light — an entity that is but an illumination [of its source] — to contain within it the constancy [of burning without cessation], something that relates only to [its source,] the luminary.”

He explains that this is the novelty of “And you [Moshe] shall command,” that Moshe possesses the capacity to command and connect all Jews (with G‑d) ... at which time there is revealed even within a lamp — a mere illumination — the essential power [of the luminary]. Consequently, the illumination as well is constantly attached to the eternality of the Ein Sof.

The Rebbe concludes that “the assistance in achieving this matter [of a degree of permanence and eternality] is through one’s connection and bond (hiskashrus) with the rank of Moshe, the heads and leaders of the Jewish people [of each generation], the “extension of Moshe.”

The above is critical as well with regard to building a house in Israel, an “eternal edifice.”

.. The ability for a particular house in Israel to contain the [limitless] aspect of immutability, which is the quality of an “eternal edifice,” results from Moshe.

Thus, the assistance in obtaining this matter is through connecting and bonding (hiskashrus) with Moshe, i.e., the “extension of Moshe in each and every generation.”2

(Toras MenachemHisvaaduyos, Vol. II, p. 251)3

Increasing One’s Torah and Mitzvos

.. I surely need not draw your attention to the fact that specifically after the wedding, one is to intensify his Torah and mitzvos. For on the wedding day there is granted from Above the ability to succeed to an even greater degree in the study of Torah and the performance of mitzvos.

Since this [additional ability] is granted from Above, it is surely for the express purpose that it be properly utilized in the fullest measure possible.

(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XIV, p. 509)

Torah Study

Husband and Wife Studying Torah Together

.. The custom of our generation is that chassan and kallah study Torah together, {after their marriage, at which time there is no affront to tznius}, which is to say, that they connect the “sound of chassan and kallah” with the “sound of Torah” — up to and including the “five voices of Torah.

(Hisvaaduyos 5752, Vol. II, p. 398)4

Clearly it is worthwhile for you to establish set times of Torah study together with your wife tichye in those matters that are consonant with that which the Alter Rebbe states at the conclusion of the first chapter of Hilchos Talmud Torah.

I wonder why you even [felt the need to] ask this question.

(Heichal Menachem, Vol. III, p. 188)

A Period of Time Immediately After Marriage
Should Be Dedicated Exclusively to Torah Study

Following marriage, when one is obligated by the Torah to also occupy oneself in earning a living, it is still necessary to have established times for Torah study; moreover, to do so in a manner of “Set a fixed time for your Torah study”5 — fixed in one’s soul.6

Furthermore, the foundation and basis of married life should be such that the individual occupies himself full-time in Torah study for a set amount of time.…

.. When the foundation of married life is in the above manner, this will have a most positive effect on one’s entire future life — for many long and good years — both with regard to one’s spiritual matters (Divine service, Torah study and performance of mitzvos), as well as with regard to one’s material matters (earning a living and the like). ...

(Hisvaaduyos 5746, Vol. IV, p. 440)7

Torah Study as a Preparation to Shlichus

In order to succeed in shlichus, one must first make the necessary preparations. Among them: at least one year of studying Torah with vitality and vigor [after one’s marriage].8

(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXIII, p. 540)

Fixed Times for Torah Study

[With regard to] the manner of your establishing yourself after the wedding — [it should be] in a manner where you are able to set aside fixed times for Torah study to the degree that you require.

(Heichal Menachem, Vol. III, p. 175)

Spending Even Part of the Day Exclusively Studying Torah Only With Prior Full Joyous Agreement of Both Parties

Understandably, it is laudable to order one’s life immediately after marriage in a manner that the husband spends (at least) part of the day exclusively in Torah study, inasmuch as the wedding is the inception of an eternal edifice.

However, it is also self-understood that this limits and curbs [one’s ability to earn a livelihood] and slightly reduces the ability to obtain one’s material needs.

As this [reduction] is felt on a daily basis, and conversely, a Jew’s life is to be lived — as the verse states “with joy and gladness of heart” and with trust [in G‑d], it is necessary that there first be obtained a full-fledged joyous agreement [from both parties] (to beginning [mutual] lives bound up to a life of Torah, a Torah of Life).

If the two of them will both agree to this, agreeing in the manner described above, then may it be G‑d’s will that all this transpire in a good and auspicious hour.

(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXXIV, p. 296)

Continuing to Spread Forth the Wellsprings of Judaism and Chassidus

I am very puzzled and perplexed at not having received any news from you from the time that you were married, although I am confident that you are filling your days with purpose and content ... particularly within the context of spreading forth the wellsprings of Judaism and Chassidus....

Of course there is room to say that the days preceding the wedding, as was the wedding day and the days following the wedding, were extremely busy, much more than usual.

Nevertheless, it is self-understood that a thinking person cannot permit these inconveniences to sidetrack him from the above actions [of spreading forth the wellsprings of Judaism and Chassidus], and [moreover,] cannot even distract him from notifying me about his accomplishments in this area.

If anything, the opposite is true, [that these are most auspicious days for accomplishing the spreading forth of the wellsprings of Judaism and Chassidus].

See also the Hilchos Talmud Torah of the Alter Rebbe, beginning of chapter three, wherein the Alter Rebbe states that even after a person marries, he retains the ability to study Torah for two or three years without much anxiety and difficulty, etc.

(Igros Kodesh, Vol. XV, p. 68)

Studying in a Kollel

When in Doubt, Do Without

It is well known that when a person is in doubt [as to whether to study in a Kollel immediately following his marriage,] then there is no point in his doing so. For it, [i.e., the Kollel,]is for those individuals who have a strong desire to study Torah and who are quite sure that they will study assiduously.

(From a handwritten response of the Rebbe)9

In general, when a person is in doubt as to whether to study in a Kollel, it is not advisable to enter the Kollel (where one is to study assiduously, etc.).

(Heichal Menachem, Vol. III, p. 178)

Entering a Kollel After Having been Married
For a Considerable Amount of Time

.. In the overwhelming majority of instances, [beginning] to study in a Kollel after not doing so for so long a period, as in your case, will not be with the proper peace of mind. Therefore ... [it would probably be best for you not to do so], as is readily understood.

(Heichal Menachem, Vol. III, p. 178)

Study in a Kollel Only If You Earn a Stipend

It is not advisable to study in a Kollel if they don’t provide you with a salary.

(Heichal Menachem, Vol. III, p. 176)


I have never heard that one begins an “eternal edifice” with... pleasure trips.

It would seem that the establishment [of a Jewish home] should be upon the bedrock foundations of Torah and mitzvos and the service of prayer.

(From a handwritten response of the Rebbe)10

During present times, many couples go on a “honeymoon” [soon after their marriage]. Would only this custom be nullified, as it leads to many pitfalls and to many untoward consequences. It is truly astounding how people fail to realize how much harm can result from such behavior:

When a young couple, soon after their marriage, travels to a distant location and they are not well-versed in the laws [of family purity], they lack a shomer, [a “guard” or escort who is to accompany chassan and kallah during the week of the wedding,] and so on, then they subject themselves to tremendous tests.

This is so even when traveling to a city where all one’s Jewish needs, including kosher provisions and a kosher mikveh, are available, and even when one knows the location of the mikveh and one is not embarrassed to ask, etc.

How much more so [is this custom troublesome] during present days, when couples think it necessary to travel specifically to [exotic locations] such as the Bahamas and the like, traveling to places where there is no kosher mikveh, etc.

(Sichos Kodesh 5728, Vol. I, p. 450)