Life’s Most Important Event

Marriage is the most important event in the life of a man or woman.

(Igros Kodesh, Vol. IV, p. 272)

Perfect Union

.. Marriage is not only the beginning of a partnership but the beginning of a union, where both parties truly become one, united for life.

(From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 8 Tishrei, 5722)

True Union

The essential quality and substance of a proper marriage is “cleaving to one’s wife and becoming one flesh,”1 which is to say, that one is in a constant state of acquisition and cleaving — rebuffing anything and everything that leads to and causes the cessation of this cleaving and unity.

(Likkutei Sichos, Vol. XXXIV, p. 138)

The Greatest Joy

Marriage is the greatest degree of joy that human beings can find in their lives.

(Sichos Kodesh 5714, p. 245)

“An Emotion That Increases”

Love is an emotion that increases in strength throughout one’s life. It is sharing and caring, and respecting each other. It is building a life together, a unit of family and home.

The love that you feel as a young bride is only the beginning of real love. It is through the small, everyday acts of living together that love flourishes and grows. And so, the love you feel after five or ten years is a gradual strengthening of bonds.

As two lives unite to form one, with time, one reaches a point where each partner can no longer visualize life without his mate by his side.

(From a private Yechidus)

Establishing the Ground Rules

The Creator, in His infinite kindness, has revealed and given to us certain directives and precepts concerning the establishment of a close relationship between two persons, especially between spouses, which clearly is one of the most important aspects of human life — especially in the view of our Torah.

The purpose of these directives and precepts is, on the one hand, to ensure the conditions under which the couple will be blessed with an abundance of blessings, and on the other, to guide them and protect them from undesirable acts and consequences.

(From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 5732)

The Foundation

Mazal Tov! May the edifice [of the forthcoming marriage] be an eternal edifice, [based] on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos. May your lives indeed be happy and fortunate in all aspects.

(From a handwritten response of the Rebbe to an engaged couple)

The Foundation — Tried and Tested

I extend my heartfelt wishes to you that your wedding take place in a fortunate and good hour and with mazal tov. May you construct a Jewish edifice on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos.

Understandably, it need not be emphasized that on a deeper level marriage means that chassan and kallah jointly embark on constructing a life — a most joyous life — and an edifice that endures for many, many long and happy years.

It is self-understood that it is of primary and crucial import that the foundation of an edifice be constructed of the most durable material possible, material that is able to withstand the changes and havoc that can be wrought by changes of temperature and moisture, by an earthquake, and so on.

The same holds true when chassan and kallah embark on building a life together [and lay the foundations for that life]. This joint life is to be founded on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos, the strongest materials in existence.

These materials have withstood the test of time, overcoming a multitude of obstacles during the passage of the approximately three and a half thousand years since G‑d gave us His Torah and mitzvos.

These, then, are the vessels through which a couple receives G‑d’s blessings for a truly joyous life. May G‑d bless you — as previously stated — with a mazal tov and [with the ability to construct] an everlasting edifice on the foundations of Torah and mitzvos.

(Igros Kodesh, Vol. VI, p. 194)

The Jewish Home

G‑d demands that the Jewish home — every Jewish home — be quite different from a non-Jewish home, not only on Shabbos and Yom Tov but also on ordinary weekdays, as well as in regard to “weekday” [i.e., mundane] matters. It must be a Jewish home in every respect.

What makes a Jewish household different from a non-Jewish household is that it is conducted in all its details according to the directives of the Torah, which is known as Toras Chayim — a Jew’s Divine guide in his or her daily life.

Hence, the home becomes an abode for G‑d’s Presence, a home for G‑dliness, concerning which G‑d says: “Make Me a Sanctuary, and I shall dwell among them.”2

It is a home where G‑d’s Presence is felt not only on Shabbos and Yom Tov, but every day of the week; not only when its occupants are engaged in prayer and Torah study, but also when they are engaged in very ordinary things, [e.g.,] eating and drinking, etc. For all their actions are performed in accordance with the directive, “Know Him in all your ways.”3

It is a home where mealtime is not a time for indulging in ordinary and natural “eating habits,” but a hallowed service to G‑d, where the table is an “altar” to G‑d, sanctified by [ritually] washing one’s hands before a meal, reciting the blessings over food, and reciting Grace After the Meal. Moreover, every item of food and beverage brought into the home is strictly kosher.

It is a home where the mutual relationship between husband and wife is sanctified by the meticulous observance of the laws and regulations of Taharas HaMishpachah, permeated with awareness of the active third “Partner” — G‑d — in creating new life, in fulfillment of the Divine commandment: “Be fruitful and multiply.”4

This also ensures that Jewish children are born in purity and holiness, with pure hearts and minds that enable them to resist temptation and, when they grow up, avoid the pitfalls of their surrounding environment.

Moreover, the strict observance of Taharas HaMishpachah is a basic factor in the preservation of peace and harmony (shalom bayis) in the home, which is vitally strengthened and fortified thereby — obviously, a critical factor in the preservation of the family as a unit.

It is a home where parents know that their first obligation is to instill into their offspring from their most tender age on, love of G‑d and also awe of G‑d, a home wherein parents infuse their offspring with the joy of performing mitzvos.

With all their desire to provide their children with all the good things in life, the Jewish parent knows that the greatest, indeed, the only real and eternal legacy they can bequeath to their children, is to make the Torah and mitzvos and Jewish traditions their life source and polestar in daily life.

(From a letter of the Rebbe, dated 18 Elul, 5735)