We are all descendants1 of the four Matriarchs of our people: Sarah, Rivkah, Rochel and Leah. Each was distinguished for her particular gifts; each expressed her self-worth in different ways.
Yet there was one common bond between them, one thing that united them: each longed for children with a yearning that knew no limits.
The Torah, normally so sparing of its words, describes in detail the lengths to which they went to have children so that we may derive a valuable lesson from their behavior. As the archetypes of all Jewish women, we learn of the deep-seated desire of every Jewish woman to bear children.
This inborn desire is a natural inheritance of each and every Jewish woman from our Matriarchs Sarah, Rivkah, Rochel and Leah.
Notwithstanding the pain and difficulty associated with gestation and childbirth, a Jewish woman desires a home filled with children — many sons and daughters.
Moreover, children are also the key to shalom bayis. One of the principal means of achieving shalom bayis between husband and wife is the bond with their children that they both share.
Each child that is born fills the home with light, joy, true wealth and good fortune. It also provides the couple with true tranquility, increasing and enhancing the spiritual as well as the physical beauty of the entire family.
Women and the Command To Have Children
However,2 according to Jewish law, it is incumbent upon the man and not the woman to have children, as it is stated in Shulchan Aruch:3 “The male is commanded to fulfill the mitzvah to ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ and not the female.”
This seems strange indeed: The burden of the nine-month pregnancy, the pain of childbirth and the task of nursing and generally rearing the child, fall on the woman and not on the man. Why, then, were they not provided the opportunity to perform the great mitzvah of having children?
Our Sages have wrestled with this issue and have offered a number of responses. Among them:4
G‑d created every being with a unique and singular purpose. The purpose with which He entrusted the Jewish woman is that of akeres habayis, to be the mainstay of the home, for the most important aspects of the home and seeing to its needs, including the crucial task of raising children, fall on her. Her major concern, then, is her immediate family. She need not concern herself with the future of Jewish continuity as a whole, as that particular concern was placed upon the male.
The Avudraham writes:5 “Women were freed from the mitzvah to ‘be fruitful and multiply’ so that they would be able to live in complete peace and harmony with their husbands.” In other words, in order for her to be able to more fully and completely dedicate herself to her husband and her household, she was freed from the obligation of this mitzvah.
However, the question still remains: If this is so, why did G‑d make the woman the one to become pregnant and give birth? If this is not her role, why is she the one who has to accomplish it? Why not place this burden on the male, the one obligated to perform this mitzvah?
“The Woman, Too, Performs a Mitzvah”
There are those who explain that although the woman is not commanded to perform this mitzvah, she nevertheless possesses the merit of the mitzvah’s performance, as she assists her husband in performing the mitzvah; on his own, the husband could never perform the mitzvah of having children.
Thus Ran states:6 “She has a mitzvah since she assists her husband in his performance of his mitzvah.”
We must, however, still understand: Since it is the woman who bears the burden of pregnancy and childbirth, why not give her this mitzvah outright? Why does she only merit to participate in her husband’s performance of this mitzvah?
A Command Is Needed When Otherwise It Would Not Be Done
The explanation is as follows:
Generally speaking, when a person is commanded to do a certain thing, this indicates that there is a connection between the command and the one commanded.
For example, instructions and directives to children and their education and training fall specifically on their parents and teachers, as they are the ones who have a special relationship with these children.
The same is true regarding G‑d and the Jewish people. The reason we merited so many commandments derives from our close relationship with G‑d, which is why He gave us all these commandments. In the words of the Mishnah: 7 “The Holy One, blessed be He, wished to make the people of Israel meritorious; therefore He gave them Torah and mitzvos in abundant measure.”
However, at times, the opposite is the case. The reason a person is not commanded to do a certain thing may not necessarily be because of his lack of connection with it, but precisely because he is so connected with the matter that he would do so without even being commanded. Indeed, there is no need to tell him to do so when he would do so in any event.
A Woman’s Outstanding Degree of Dedication
With regard to man and woman, a woman by nature enjoys a greater degree of closeness and sensitivity to spirituality and G‑d than does a man. Her spiritual leanings and tendencies as well as her innate belief in G‑d are stronger and more forceful than a man’s. Thus our Sages state:8 “‘So shall you say to the House of Yaakov — this refers to Jewish women, who perform mitzvos with a great degree of alacrity.”
It is also stated in books of Jewish thought that men and women possess different and indeed opposite character traits. A man has a greater penchant and affinity to material and corporeal matters and is more selfish by nature, while a woman has a stronger spiritual bent and is more loving and giving by nature.
The commandment to build a home and family were therefore given to the man and not to the woman.
By her very nature, a woman desires to marry, have children and raise a family. There is no need at all for the Torah to command her to do so, as in any case she is most eager to do so. A man, however, whose desire for children and family is not as strong as a woman’s, must be commanded to do so and he must do so whether or not he is so inclined.
An Extraordinary Quality Possessed by Women
We thus realize a wondrous quality that a woman possesses. Although the male does not suffer the pain and burden of pregnancy and childbirth, he nevertheless requires a Divine command in order to ensure that he will “be fruitful and multiply.” The woman, however, needs no such command. Notwithstanding the trials and tribulations she must endure in order to have children, she will do everything in her power to bear children even without a command.
We thus observe the uniquely novel and brilliant approach of Chassidus.That which superficially seems to be a deficiency in the Jewish woman — that she lacks the merit of being commanded to bear children — is in reality her greatest virtue, i.e., there is no need to command her to perform this mitzvah of having children as she is more than ready to do so, despite its difficulties.
Kabbalah and Chassidus explain9 that the woman’s freedom from the command of bearing children indicates that her role in fulfilling this command is in fact even greater than that of the man.
“Voluntary” Because of Its Lofty Spiritual Source
The Alter Rebbeexplains10 that every mitzvah a person performs draws down upon him a sacred degree of illumination from the loftiest spiritual worlds.
However, there are those mitzvos whose spiritual source is so elevated that a person cannot “force” the Divine illumination upon himself through his performance of these commandments. These commandments are therefore termed reshus, non-compulsory and discretionary, for nothing can compel the Divine illumination to descend below. Its descent is entirely voluntary and wholly at its own discretion.11
The explanation of this matter is as follows:
Man is able to “compel” the Divine illumination to irradiate him through his performance of those mitzvos that are deemed obligatory. These mitzvos are thus termed chovah, compulsory and mandatory, as man can compel their spirituality to shine down upon him.
However, those mitzvos that are deemed reshus, or voluntary,belong to an entirely different and vastly superior spiritual order. The effect of performing such mitzvos cannot be “forced.” They are thus termed reshus, for the Divine illumination may or may not be drawn down into this world. Man cannot force this Divine illumination to descend and affect the world. They are therefore termed reshus, “permissible.” i.e., the light is permitted to “choose” whether to descend.
Thus, those mitzvos that are discretionary and non-compulsory do not denote any aspect of inferiority, but on the contrary, indicate their spiritual superiority — that the Divine illumination of the mitzvah is truly greater than ordinary mitzvos. For this reason, man’s actions cannot govern their effects, and the illumination that is accomplished through their performance cannot be forced to descend within this world.
By stating that the male is obligated in the mitzvah to “be fruitful and multiply,” this informs us that for the male, this mitzvah is in the category of chovah. And because the female is not obligated in the mitzvah, and for her it is merely reshus, we are stating in effect that the illumination drawn down by the woman in the performance of this mitzvah is even greater than that of the man.
