Reasons for Fasting
The Rama writes: 1 “It is customary for the groom and bride to fast on their wedding day.”2
Many3 reasons are offered for this custom:4
a) Since all the sins of bride and groom are forgiven on their wedding day, this day is their personal Yom Kippur; their personal Day of Atonement. Just as one fasts on Yom Kippur, so, too, are bride and groom to fast on their personal Yom Kippur.5
b) It is possible that as a result of their tremendous joy, bride and groom will drink to excess and become intoxicated, preventing them from getting married in a clearheaded and lucid state.6
c) It was the custom of the earlier chassidim to fast before they would perform a beloved mitzvah. For example, they would not eat or drink before performing the mitzvah of the Four Kinds (netilas lulav). The same is true with regard to a wedding: Since the mitzvah of getting married is cherished by bride and groom, they therefore fast before performing this mitzvah.
When Does the Fast End?
[If the marriage ceremony takes place during the day, there are practical differences between these reasons with regard to concluding the fast:
Once the marriage ceremony has concluded, are bride and groom permitted to eat immediately even though it is still daylight, or must they fast until nightfall?
According to the first reason (that their fast is similar to Yom Kippur), they are forbidden to eat and must continue fasting until nightfall, just like all other fasts which conclude only at nightfall. However, according to the second and third reasons (that they not become intoxicated, or that they not eat before performing a cherished mitzvah), they may eat even though it is still daylight. Since the marriage ceremony has already taken place, there is no reason for them to continue fasting.
A similar question arises in an opposite situation: What if the marriage ceremony takes place late at night, much later than nightfall?
May bride and groom eat immediately after nightfall although the marriage ceremony has yet to take place, or must they wait until after the ceremony?
According to the first reason, they may eat as soon as it becomes night, for all fasts that are connected to repentance conclude at nightfall. However, according to the other two reasons, they are prohibited from eating until after the marriage ceremony, for prior to the ceremony we fear that they may become intoxicated, and so, too, they have yet to perform the cherished mitzvah.]7
Afflicting the Body in Order to Strengthen the Soul
Let us delve more deeply into the essential character of this fast according to the first reason — that the fast is similar to Yom Kippur, a day when sins are forgiven.8
The Rambam writes in Hilchos Taanis9 that the purpose of fasting is: “To rouse the hearts; to open the pathways of repentance. ...” When an individual fasts and afflicts his body, his physical passions and desires are lessened and his body’s corporeality is weakened. It is then far easier to reveal within oneself and strengthen one’s soulful and spiritual qualities, and to truly repent.10
It is particularly important for the spiritual to overwhelm the physical on one’s wedding day:
The most important and unique aspect of a Jewish wedding is the fusion and union of husband and wife; that they become one soul. Thus, as a preparation for this spiritual soul union, there is particular significance in fasting — weakening the physical and arousing and strengthening the spiritual.11
It Is Forbidden to Cause the Body Pain
That which has been stated above — that fasting and afflicting the body is for the sake of the soul — seemingly contradicts the clear and unambiguous ruling in Shulchan Aruch that one may not cause his body pain. Not only is it forbidden to cause pain to another, self-inflicted pain is also prohibited.
So writes the Alter Rebbe in Shulchan Aruch:12 “A person has absolutely no dominion over his body, neither to smite it, nor to embarrass it, nor to cause it any sort of pain, even if it involves withholding any type of food and drink, unless this pain is for his benefit, for instance, to save his life. ...”
The reason13 is that the entire world, including the person’s own body, belongs to G‑d. G‑d merely entrusted man with his body — like an article that is left in a person’s care and trust — so that man may exist in this world. Therefore, in certain regards, man’s relationship to another and to his own self are exactly the same: both the body of another and his own body do not belong to him, and he therefore has no right to cause them harm.
Our Sages teach us, however, that when causing the body pain has a beneficial effect on the body — for example, a person fasts because eating food would be injurious to his health — then it is permitted to cause the body pain, for that pain benefits the body itself.
Notwithstanding the above, we must understand why it is permissible to fast on the wedding day when this torments the body:
Here the body does not derive any direct benefit from the fast. On the contrary, the purpose of the fast is to weaken the body so as to benefit the soul. We must thus understand what right a person has to inflict pain on his body, which is really not his but an “article” that G‑d entrusted to him.
The Spiritual Dimension Assists the Physical Dimension
However, the soul’s actions do not only benefit and profit the spiritual and internal dimension of man, they also radiate to and assist the physical and corporeal dimension of the individual. Therefore, fasting is permitted, for by fasting and strengthening the soul, one will ultimately benefit the body as well.
How is this so?
As explained later in the section entitled “Tranquility in the Home” in Volume II, it is very difficult for husband and wife to continuously dwell together in true and complete “love, harmony, peace and camaraderie.”14 Although they have built a physical home and family together, still, as two distinct individuals, their passions, desires and goals will seemingly differ, regardless of their strong bonds of attachment. Ultimately, they are two separate individuals, possessing individual minds, hearts and personalities, who naturally aspire to, and strive for, different things in life.
By contrast, the unity, fusion, harmony and camaraderie resulting from the merger of their two soul-halves are absolute and enduring. The souls of husband and wife meld completely, truly becoming one spiritual entity, one soul. In this condition, their mutual lives are entirely compatible, as they have truly become “one” and are not two distinct entities at all.
The effect of the soul’s oneness is not limited to the spiritual dimension, but shines into and illuminates man’s external and physical aspects as well (explained more fully in the section “Tranquility in the Home”). This leads to a genuine feeling of “one flesh”15 with regard to the couple’s material aspects. The couple then leads a completely harmonious and peaceful life not only spiritually, but in all physical aspects as well.
It is therefore permissible for bride and groom to fast and afflict their bodies, for in the merit of their fasting prior to their wedding, whereby their spiritual dimension overwhelms their corporeal selves, their very physical lives will be improved and enhanced. As a result, they will live a life replete with joy and bliss.