Why the Bride Offers No Response
As the groom is placing the ring upon his bride’s finger, he states: “With this ring you are consecrated to me, according to the laws of Moshe and Israel.” The bride’s ensuing silence signals her acceptance.1
This is indeed strange. Why doesn’t the bride reply and specifically state that she accepts the kiddushin and agrees to marry her groom?
It is true that even if, for whatever reason, the bride remains mute, the kiddushin is entirely valid since her silence is an indication of her assent to her groom’s words and her desire to marry him, as our Sages say:2 “Silence indicates acknowledgment and agreement.” Nevertheless, would it not be better for her to verbally state that she agrees to marry him?
The reason for the bride’s silence lies in the essential character of kiddushin.3
It was explained earlier on that kiddushin creates an intrinsic and essential bond between husband and wife — a unification of their souls and their melding into one entity.
However, it is extremely difficult to accomplish such a spiritual connection, as the physical connection that is developed over the course of one’s marriage obscures and conceals the spiritual connection. This is so, for man is a physical and corporeal being, and physicality is so much more important to him than is spirituality (as explained later at greater length in the section entitled “Eirusin — Betrothal”).
In order to emphasize the spiritual dimension of the wedding, it is necessary to subjugate and suppress the physical body so that it does not conceal the spirituality of marriage.
“Silence” is indicative of the suppression of one’s ego, for the person who is silent is humble and subdued; he does not broadcast himself and does not raise a clamor. Rather, his silence enables him to listen to others. Therefore, a silent individual is capable of redirecting his interest and energies from himself outward: to other individuals and other matters.
In the present context, silence dampens the coarse and corporeal feelings of the body. The person is then able to “hear”; i.e., to contemplate the inner and spiritual dimension of marriage — the spiritual soul dynamics that are now taking place.
[Why is it specifically the bride who is silent?
As explained earlier, the male is symbolic of the aspects of the soul and the female is symbolic of the aspects of the body.4 The male (the soul) therefore does the speaking and consecrating, while the female (the body) is silent and listens attentively, for the goal is for the body to be attentive to the soul.]