The Custom of Kiddushin During Present Times

The custom of performing kiddushin with a ring goes back to ancient times. In referring to this custom, the Rama writes in Shulchan Aruch:1 “It is customary to perform the act of kiddushin with a ring. They do so because of a reason cited in Tikkunei Zohar.”2

The commentators offer many reasons for the custom of performing kiddushin with a ring. Among them:

a) “At the root of this mitzvah [is the fact]... that the wife should always remember that she belongs to her husband and not have marital relations with any other, nor should she rebel against him but always treat him with respect and honor.... Since the mitzvah contains the above-mentioned elements, it is therefore the Jewish custom to perform kiddushin with a ring. Always wearing her wedding ring will serve as a constant reminder of the above.”3

In other words, kiddushin is performed with a ring so that the wife will remember at all times that she is married. She does so by always wearing her wedding ring.

b) Kiddushin is performed with a ring so that the object through which the acquisition of kiddushin is accomplished will be completely owned and used by the bride, with the husband retaining absolutely no ownership in, or use of it at all.4

According to Jewish law, the “fruits” of anything belonging to the wife; i.e., the ability to derive pleasure and benefit from them, belongs to the husband and not to the wife: As the Rambam states,5 “All properties belonging to the wife ... the husband may eat all its fruits ... but as to the object itself ... the husband does not possess it at all.”

Thus, while the wife is the absolute owner of the “essence” of the property, the right of use and benefit are conferred to the husband. It is similar to a person renting someone an object. While the object remains absolutely his, the renter has full rights to make use of and benefit from the object.

Accordingly, if a groom were to perform the kiddushin with money, the money would not be given to his bride unconditionally because he would still retain the ability and rights to derive benefit from it (i.e, “the fruits of the money”).

This is not at all the case with a ring, since the husband will never wear the ring, as it remains on his wife’s finger. Moreover, the husband is forbidden to wear her ring, for “a male may not wear the garments [and accoutrements] of a female.”6 Consequently, when the groom gives his bride a ring, he does so in the most complete manner possible, for only the wife will wear the ring and not her husband.7

Accordingly, the custom is to perform the kiddushin with a ring. In obtaining the ring she receives not only absolute rights of ownership, but also absolute rights over the “fruits”: its everyday benefit and use.


Placing the Ring on the Bride’s Finger

[We therefore understand the custom that the groom himself places the ring on the bride’s finger.

Seemingly, it would suffice for the bride to receive the ring in her hand. Why is it necessary for the groom to specifically place it on her finger?

However, since kiddushin by means of a ring is not through the monetary value of the ring but by the fact that she will make use of it, i.e., she will wear the ring, the acquisition of kiddushin therefore only takes place after she actually places the ring on her finger and wears it. For the law is: “If he performed the acquisition of kiddushin with a utensil, the kiddushin only becomes valid after she actually uses the utensil.”8 It is thus necessary for the groom to place the ring on his bride’s finger.

Only after the ring is so situated and the bride is actually making use of the ring is the acquisition of kiddushin accomplished.]

According to Kabbalah and Chassidus,9 the ring itself, its shape and indeed, its very name, has an intrinsic relationship with kiddushin:10


The Ring — Nature and Beyond

The shape of the ring is circular. Kabbalah and Chassidus explain that a circle denotes the spiritual level that transcends and encompasses the world.

It was explained earlier that a circular object, an object without beginning or end, alludes to the lofty level of G‑dliness known as sovev kol almin — an infinite transcendent and encircling degree and level of G‑dliness whose loftiness prevents it from permeating the world. Rather, sovev kol almin circles the world, encompassing it from above.

The essential characteristic of a ring is that it is worn on the finger. Chassidus explains that a garment — and similarly a ring, which is also worn — must be adapted to the size of its wearer. The essence of the ring thus alludes to that spiritual level which matches the person — the level of G‑dliness that is appropriate for the world (memale kol almin).

In fact, the very Hebrew name for a ring, tabaas, is related to the Hebrew word teva, or nature — the level of G‑dliness that relates to the level of the world itself.

Placing the ring on the finger during kiddushin symbolizes the two acts that are achieved through kiddushin:

a) The unification of the physical aspects of husband and wife, which is alluded to by the Hebrew name for a ring, tabaas (the nature of the world; physicality), and by the essence of a ring (a garment; i.e., a level and grade of G‑dliness that is compatible with the physicality of the world).

b) The unification of the spiritual levels of husband and wife (as well as drawing down Divine powers that transcend nature), which is alluded to by the shape of the ring (circular, a level that encircles and encompasses the world).


Combining Nature And the Supranatural

Additionally,11 the two acts (combining nature with the supranatural) are alluded to within the one ring, as these two levels are to be united and merged, inasmuch as each one of them possesses its individual quality. By combining both elements, one achieves the preeminent feature of their combined qualities.

This will be explained at far greater length in the section entitled Eirusin (“Betrothal”) and in other places in this book.


“A Reason Cited in Tikkunei Zohar”

Interestingly, the Rama writes something unusual regarding performing kiddushin with a ring: “They do so because of a reason cited in Tikkunei Zohar.” This is unusual, because the authors of the Shulchan Aruch and the Rama — men of Halachah — are not in the habit of citing kabbalistic matters.

Here, however, with regard to a ring, the Rama cites the Kabbalah, as the use of a ring for kiddushin is quite different from other purely kabbalistic matters, as use of a ring also has halachic implications. However, since a ring is used primarily for kabbalistic reasons, it therefore behooves the Rama to cite the Tikkunei Zohar.